Room For Rent
by The Rabid Toenail
Summary: (COMPLETE) Ryou, in order to earn some extra money, decides to rent out the guest room. Eventual BxR shounen-ai.
1. Chapter 1

Room For Rent  
  
Disclaimer: Me no own. You no sue. The peasants rejoice.  
  
Chapter I  
  
Ryou sighed, as he usually did whenever he was conscious, staring down at the piece of notebook paper that should've contained his homework, but now only contained a bunch of pretty blue and pink lines. Stupid quantum physics. His elbow, resting on aforementioned paper, slipped and sent his mind out of its stupor-like state and his nose into his desk.  
  
"Urg." he groaned, prying his face from the desk.  
  
This obviously wasn't working. He wasn't getting any homework done, so he might as well do something enjoyable instead. He slid out of his spinny chair, hearing several of his bones cracking back into place as he stretched. He then stumbled down the stairs, managing to bang his knee on the unhelpful banister (it was very slippery and only made him fall more often; he had stopped using after he'd got a concussion from hitting his cranium on it, three weeks after he'd moved in).  
  
After he had reached the kitchen, now sporting a bruised knee and an aching nosebone, he poured some orange juice into his favorite sunshine cup and retrieved a box of raisins from his cabinet. Afterward, he decided not to make that particular snack combination ever again, but for the moment, he was gulping down his citrus-flavored drink.  
  
Just then, the phone rang. He hurried to it, since he was expecting calls in response to the ad he had put in the paper. Being in college, he was usually short on money, and since he had inherited this big house from his father, he'd had the bright idea to take in a boarder. Thankfully, he had no serious mishaps upon reaching the ringing piece of technology.  
  
"Moshi moshi," he said, placing his usual fake cheerfulness in his voice.  
  
"Moshi moshi. I'm calling about the room you have for rent," came the deep voice from the receiver.  
  
"Oh, yes."  
  
"How many windows?"  
  
"One."  
  
"Hm. That's good. And what direction does it face?"  
"West, I think," Ryou said, not letting his curiosity at the question reflect in his voice.  
  
"Even better. When can I come over and see it?"  
  
"When's good for you?"  
  
"In about an hour."  
  
"I'll be here. Would you like directions?"  
  
"No, I can manage. Ja ne."  
  
The caller hung the phone up, evidence being the loud beep of the dial tone coming back. He placed it back on its cradle. "He didn't even tell me his name. actually, it might not even be a he! It could be a woman with an extremely deep voice!"  
  
Oh, well. It was only a boarder. He could deal with pituitary gland problems if he/she/it could, as long as he/she/it made his/her/its rent deadline. He was about to pop another raisin in his mouth, when he realized it felt strange in a non-pruny way. He examined it, only to find that there was some strange type of mold growing on it. He quickly decided to throw the box away.  
  
He took one last draught of orange juice before putting the glass upside-down in the dishwasher. Then, he began trying to clean his house.  
  
*~*  
  
Bakura sat at a Denny's booth, circling a newspaper with a spiffy red Sharpie. He had been looking for a new place of residence for three days now, coinciding when his ex-girlfriend had kicked him out of her apartment. He had looked at everything from apartments, to condos, to one-room shacks, and still he had not found a place to his liking.  
  
He sipped coffee from the cup the waitress had just refilled for him, nibbling on a sausage link. He pulled his cell phone from his jacket pocket, glancing down at the ad as he punched the numbers. 555-6857.  
  
"Moshi moshi," came the cheerful voice from the other end. He groaned. A morning person.  
  
"Moshi moshi," he answered, pausing for an acceptable amount of time before continuing. "I'm calling about the room you have for rent."  
  
There was a moment's pause. "Oh, yes."  
  
Bakura thought that was a stupid response. He decided not to say anything about it, hoping dearly that this wasn't just another dumb blonde. "How many windows?" he asked. He was very particular about windows. He didn't like being awoken at seven-thirty on Saturdays because of annoying sunlight and a lack of blinds.  
  
"One."  
  
"What direction does it face?" It better not be east-facing. (This is probably why he hasn't yet found a place to his liking.)  
  
"West, I think." He could tell by the tone of voice that the boy was just guessing. Oh well. He shouldn't be a pessimist.  
  
"Even better. When can I come over and see it?"  
  
"When's good for you?"  
  
"In about an hour," he said, glancing at his watch. He needed to be there by ten, then.  
  
"I'll be here. Would you like directions?"  
  
"No. I can manage." Men never ask for directions. "Ja ne." Men think they don't need directions. Bakura pressed the END button, tucking his phone back in his pocket. Then, he paid his check and walked out the door.  
  
His car was a Honda. It was silver, with a dark gray, almost black, cloth interior. It had a CD player. It was special. He popped his Metallica CD in and began 'singing' with them. He was looking for the Hidden Acres subdivision. It had a sign at the entrance, so he'd have no trouble finding it, right?  
  
Wrong.  
  
He got lost. An hour passed before he even asked for directions. And even then, it was a very reluctant way of asking for directions.  
  
But he eventually got there, almost running over several old ladies wearing red hats as they jaywalked. It served them right.  
  
"Jaywalking is against the law!" he yelled as he ran the red light.  
  
When he finally pulled up into what he highly suspected was the correct driveway, he was met with the sight of a two-story yellowish-beige house. It had green-teal shutters and a porch swing. He liked the porch swing, but decided that he could play on the porch swing later; he was late enough as it was. He didn't know if the owner of the house was even still waiting on him; he might have given up and gone to a mall.or a skating rink.or an adult book store. He didn't know, but speculation might not have been the best thing, especially for Bakura's poor, disturbed mind.  
  
He pushed the doorbell, hearing the ring as it echoed throughout the house. A minute or two later, he heard footsteps and the sound of a door unlocking. The boy peered out at him.  
  
"Are you the one who's interested in renting a room?"  
  
Bakura was shocked. Not by the question, but by the person asking the question. He looked to be a few years younger than himself, with shoulder- length white hair and big chocolate-colored eyes. Now, a young person with white hair was strange enough, but one that looked almost exactly like him.? They could almost be twins, if the boy was a little taller. However, he dismissed his train of thoughts, stepping into the house.  
  
"Sorry I'm late."  
  
"It's O.K."  
  
"My name's Bakura."  
  
"Ryou."  
  
"So, where's the room?"  
  
Ryou, who had been staring at him since he'd opened the door, dropped his gaze, turned around, and led him through the hall. "I'm sorry if the house is messy; I didn't have time to clean up."  
  
"It's fine." 


	2. Chapter 2

Room For Rent  
  
Disclaimer: Don't sue me; I'm broke!  
  
Chapter Two  
  
(Ryou POV)  
  
"Hey, Baku, what's this?" he asked, holding up a random object he had found in a box full of his junk.  
  
Bakura grimaced at the use of the nickname, opting to ignore the question. His reason? He was angry.that and he wasn't even sure what the object was himself.  
  
"Oh, c'mon, I'm you're going to live here, you'll have to start talking to me again sometime," Ryou whined.  
  
Bakura hadn't spoken to him in a while; in fact, his last words to him had been, 'Go seduce a llama'. Ryou, for his sake and the sake of all llama-kind, had not taken his advice.  
  
Bakura wordlessly pried the random object from Ryou's hands, tossing it in the closet, where it would not be seen or heard from again until it was time for spring-cleaning. Then he plopped back down on the bed, twiddling his thumbs and watching Ryou as he unpacked all his mounds of junk for him.  
  
"I'm going to the grocery store later," was Ryou's newest attempt at starting a conversation.or at least an exchange of words.  
  
No answer.  
  
"You should go with me, or I won't know what sort of foods you like."  
  
Bakura stared at the wall behind him. That was an interesting spot. From his strange upside-down position, it looked almost like a rabbit.a puke green rabbit. He suddenly felt a painful tug on his scalp, and made an interesting noise of indignation that sounded something reminiscent to "Aaaaaaaggggghhhhhhhh".  
  
"Have you been listening?!" Ryou practically yelled in his ear.  
  
"Um.no?"  
  
"Fine then. I'm going to the grocery store, and I'm buying you lots and lots of BRUSSEL SPROUTS! .And SPINACH!"  
  
Bakura sweat-dropped like this: -.-; and made an offhand comment about paying to live with a psycho. "You have fun then. And remember to take your medicine."  
  
"AARGH!"  
  
Ryou angrily grabbed his keys, on the kitchen counter, and stomped out the door. It slammed shut, leaving the house silent except for the banging of the screen door behind him. He practically broke the car door while trying to open it, jamming the key in the ignition and turning it. The engine roared to life with a viciousness. Yes, viciousness.  
  
Ryou spun the tires as he backed out of the driveway, and was almost immediately pulled over by a cop.  
  
"Where do you think you're going, hotrod?"  
  
".The grocery store," Ryou said meekly.  
  
"You're in quite a rush, aren't you?" Ryou nodded. "Let me see your license and registration, then."  
  
Mind-cursing is a wonderful thing. *%&@^&! "I-I'm afraid I left my license at home."  
  
"Then I'm afraid I'm going to have to take you into custody."  
  
"B-but officer, I'm just pulling out of my driveway; can't I just go inside my house and get it?"  
  
"Now, if I let you off, then I'd have to let everyone else off, wouldn't I?"  
  
"Y-yes sir," Ryou gulped.  
  
"Exactly. So I'm afraid I can't. Now, come on, get in the police car. We'll have someone tow your car to the station later."  
  
He suddenly found handcuffs around his wrists and bars in front of his face. He was stuck. In the back of a police car. Panic began to set in.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"  
  
*~* (Bakura POV)  
  
A few minutes after Ryou had stomped from his room, Bakura ventured into the kitchen. There was a brown wallet lying on the counter. A thick brown wallet. Ryou would probably need this if he planned on buying groceries.  
He flipped it open, to the section that held credit cards, driver's license, library card.diver's license? He pulled it out, staring at the boy's mug shot. He looked rather like some alien, white hair very poofy and eyes bulging to the point of taking up about 75% of his face. His mouth was hanging wide open. He wondered what someone had done to make him react that way. He laughed with much mirth at the funny picture.  
  
"Ooh, money!" He looked inside the money pouch, and found.a moth. It flew out of its cloth prison, biting him angrily on the ear as it whooshed past him. Hn. He decided that maybe Ryou's wallet was really trying to do him in, and moved to the living room, plopping down on the navy daisy- decorated couch to watch TV. He couldn't find the remote. Gah!  
  
He pulled the cushions from the couch, and did not find a small, worshipped god of channel-changing, but did find an old cherry lollipop, some cheese crackers, and five yen. He stuffed the cushions back on the couch (he did it the wrong way, of course), and continued his quest for the holy.remote, flopping to the floor and staring under the couch. He couldn't see much of anything except springs and whatever else is in the bottom of couches, so stuck his hand in the empty space.  
  
He didn't find the remote there either. He did, however, find a dust bunny. It was vicious. It bit him.  
  
He finally got so disgusted with the couch that he got up and turned the TV on using the button on the bottom.and found the remote, on top of the entertainment center. He did a little 'Praise be to Yevon' type bow, then grasped the remote, afraid it might fly away and bite him on the ear like the moth from Erebus.  
  
Unfortunately, there was nothing on TV. Well, except a rerun of Martha Stewart, who was making a birthday cake shaped like an amoeba. At least, Bakura thought it looked like an amoeba. Martha said it was a football. Bakura thought it was a conspiracy. How or why, he didn't know, but he would get to the bottom of it!.as soon as the show was over.  
  
Hours later (it was a marathon), a very hungry Bakura received a phone call. The first ring scared him, the second gave him an epiphany, and the third just plain annoyed him, so he picked the receiver from its cradle.  
  
"Moshi moshi," he said.  
  
"Bakuuuuuuraaaaa, come saaaaave me!"  
  
"What are you talking about? ARE YOU PART OF THE CONSPIRACY?!"  
  
"It's me, Ryou!"  
  
"Oh.I knew that!"  
"I'm at the police station.can you come get me?"  
  
"What are you doing at the police station? ARE YOU DRUNK?!"  
  
"No, I just.forgot my driver's license."  
  
"Oh, yeah. That's an interesting picture, you know."  
  
"You looked at it!?.Oh, I don't care! Just get over here!"  
  
"Fine, fine. But you owe me."  
  
There was a click as the other line was turned off. Bakura placed the phone back on its cradle, shut and locked the door, and was humming the theme song to "Mission Impossible" as he started his car..well, it was either that or Barney. 


	3. Chapter 3

Room For Rent  
  
Chapter Three  
  
The formatting is all screwed up for some reason. Blahhhhhh.  
  
Yay, now it's back to normal! .sort of.  
  
It was past ten when Bakura had come back from his rescue mission, Ryou in tow. Ryou was grumbling about how they still didn't have anything to eat, despite his earlier efforts at going to the grocery store. Ryou collapsed onto the couch, only dimly aware that he was even home. He was still very much fearing for his life, and decided to never do something worthy of being taken to a police station again.  
  
"I'm hungry," Bakura grumbled.  
  
Ryou didn't answer.  
  
"Aren't you going to cook me something, female?"  
  
"I'm not your maid."  
  
"You owe me, remember!?"  
  
"Order a pizza."  
  
"I don't want a pizza."  
  
"ORDER IT ANYWAY!" Ryou yelled.  
  
Bakura backed away very slowly, for fear that the elusive Ryouus PMSus would attack him in a ferocious way, tearing him limb from limb and leaving Bakura to be not a very happy camper.  
  
"Oh.O.K., I will.if you insist, Ryou-sama." He picked up the phone with a shaking hand and dialed the number to Pizza Hut. "Moshi moshi." Came the meek voice of the Bakuraus Scaredus.  
  
"The pizza will be here in half an hour, Ryou-sama."  
  
"Quit calling me that!"  
  
"Eep!" Bakura squeaked. "You're scaring me." "Oh, I'm sorry, Baku.I'm just stressed right now. I still can't get over the fact that the creepy old man wanted to grope me!"  
  
"Yeah, it must be bad to attract smelly old men. Oh well, at least I'm not the one attracting creepy people. But hey, you could be like one of those women on soap operas! You could marry a rich old codger and dye your hair blonde and have your jealous ex-boyfriend kill the man so you could live with money and happiness forever!"  
  
"Oh, my. Do I even need to ask if you're on drugs?"  
  
"Hey! It's just that my Grandma used to make me watch soaps. I hate them! They are scary!"  
  
"That's good." Ryou yawned.  
  
The doorbell rang. "That must be the pizza man!"  
  
At their door was a man with a nametag saying 'Uncle Ingrid, Sr.' (he hasn't started his own pizza palace yet) carrying a pizza. Bakura quickly handed him the money before grabbing the pizza from him and slamming the door in his face.  
  
"How rude," Ingrid remarked, from outside the house, and headed back to his car and the Pizza Hut.  
  
"Ryouuuuuuu! Do you want some pepper-ogre pizza?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
Bakura crept quietly into the lair of the Ryouus PMSus and laid a piece of pizza on the table beside Ryou's couch. He then ran away as fast as he could.  
  
"Oh, c'mon Baku, why don't you eat with me? I won't bite, I promise."  
  
Bakura readily disagreed with Ryou's statement about a lack of biting, but came to sit next to Ryou on the couch anyway. He whimpered.  
  
"You don't have to sit beside me if it bothers you that much."  
  
"O.K.!" Bakura jumped up.  
  
"DID I SAY YOU COULD LEAVE?!"  
  
"Umm.yes?"  
  
"I DIDN'T MEAN IT! You were SUPPOSED to go 'Aww, I'll stay with you, Ryou'! But nooo, you just have to go and be mean to poor Ryou! Do you realize what a terrible ordeal I've been through today?!"  
  
"Well, I'm sure that old man was pretty bad."  
  
"Enough about the old man! I don't want to hear about that perv ever again!"  
  
The phone rang.  
  
Bakura picked it up, hoping for a respite from Ryou's lecturing. There was a moment, where he was listening to what the person was saying, before, "OH MY RA!" He then proceeded to curse profusely at the person on the other line. "AND IF YOU EVER CALL HERE AGAIN, I WILL STAB YOU WITH A TOOTHBRUSH! A TOOTHBRUSH PREVIOUSLY USED TO SCRUB TOILETS WITH!" He then slammed the phone down, certain the creepy pervy psycho stalker man would not dare call again.  
  
Seconds later, the phone rang. Again.  
  
Bakura picked up the phone and resumed yelling curses into it, before sweat- dropping and handing it to Ryou. "It's for you," he explained.  
  
"Otogi? Oh, hello. don't worry, that's just the boarder. Yeah, he's clinically insane, but he saved me from the police men! And the creepy pervy psycho stalker man!"  
  
Bakura plopped down on the sofa, dazedly munching on a piece of pizza.  
  
"Oh, sure, I can come. Why would you want me to bring him? .Well, O.K., I'll ask him." He covered the mouthpiece with his hand and turned to Bakura. "Do you wanna go to the arcade with my friends and me tomorrow?"  
  
"No. But I will anyway, if it makes you happy."  
  
"It doesn't make me happy."  
  
"I don't care! I'm going whether you like it or not!"  
  
"Fine, fine. Otogi, he says he'll come. Yeah, that was him yelling about pineapples just now. Why? He's a mental patient, really!  
  
"Yeah, O.K. One o'clock. Got it. Ja ne."  
  
Bakura watched as Ryou placed the phone back on its cradle. "Hey, I just realized something. don't you still need to go to the grocery store?"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"  
  
O.o  
  
"Why don't you go to the grocery store? I don't wanna," Ryou whined.  
  
"You can go in the morning."  
  
"Hmph."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm going to bed. You have fun eating your pizza. I hope you choke on the pepperoni."  
  
"Why do you wish bad things upon me?"  
  
"Because, you're a moron."  
  
"Bah!"  
  
Ryou threw the remote control at him; it hit Bakura's temple.  
  
"Itai!" Bakura yelled. "That hurt."  
  
Ryou was just beginning to fall asleep, when there was a knock on his bedroom door. The door creaked open, light from the hall suddenly flooding his vision. He raised an arm in the air to shield his poor eyes (that were already quite comfortable in the dark), peering through the space in- between his fingers.  
  
"Ryou, where's the medicine? I feel sick."  
  
Ryou groaned. He did NOT want to deal with this right now.  
  
"They must have. poisoned the pizza."  
  
Bakura stumbled into the room and collapsed on the bed.  
  
Ryou went 'Eep!'. 


	4. Chapter 4

Room For Rent  
  
Chapter Four  
  
AN: Bakura is angry because someone felt the need to insinuate that he has a feminine side. He would like to yell loudly that he does not have a feminine side, but luckily for you, the reader(s), he is not allowed to disrupt the peace of the pre-chapter-ness. Yes.  
  
Ryou, after he was done 'eep'ing, decided to actually do something about the albino collapsed halfway on his bed. Using techniques he had learned in health, he carried (AKA dragged) him onto the bed.  
  
After this quite weighty task (after all, Baku weighed at least twenty pounds more than poor Ryou did), he went downstairs to look for the Pepto Bismol. You know, that smelly pink medicine. Of course, it would only work if Bakura had been right about the pizza thing. Hn. Blah.  
  
As mentioned before, he really didn't feel like bothering with this. Ryou was sleepy. He yawned, halting his half-hearted search in the cabinet for the stomach medicine. There wasn't any there, so he dragged a dining room chair in front of the refrigerator. Standing on top of it, he scanned the top of the refrigerator for the holy medicine bottle. He didn't manage to locate any medicine, but he did find an odd assortment of pens, some strawberry pocky, and a packet of batteries. He grabbed the pocky and began munching on it, before hopping off the chair.  
  
He eventually located the Pepto Bismol hiding behind a 64 oz. bottle of ketchup. He wondered what it had been doing there, but figured it had probably ended up there just to spite him. Inanimate objects enjoyed tormenting his poor little mind.  
  
He made his way back up the stairs, for once managing to not trip over anything; he thanked the holy medicine bottle for this strange phenomenon, but of course, this angered the pocky. It was the pocky that made him trip in the middle of the hall, it had to be!  
  
He reminded himself to next time send his thanks to the pocky as well. However, I digress. Back to the story.  
  
Bakura was lying in the bed, still out like a light.or a dark, if you want to get technical. But this is AU, and ergo, there are no hikaris and yamis! Maybe I'm talking too much. I should really stop now.  
  
"Bakura?" Ryou called softly. You guessed it; the sleeping albino remained asleep. Ryou growled and grabbed a pillow, thwacking the other boy's face with it. It has by now been determined that Bakura is a heavy sleeper. Ryou, although slightly discouraged, would not give up so easily, which resulted in the practice of several strange methods of waking someone up.  
  
Method one: jumping on the bed. Status: failed. Subject remains unconscious.  
  
Method two: making lots of noise. Status: failed. Subject remains unconscious.  
  
Method three: pouring icy water on the subject. Status: subject is still asleep, but did exhibit anger by involuntary twitching of the left eyebrow.  
  
And so on and so on. It was on the last try, after which Ryou would have just given up, that he switched on the lamp on the bedside table.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAARGH!" Bakura yelled, shielding his eyes. It took a moment for him to realize he was sopping wet. "Ryou.why am I covered in ice water?!"  
  
"You wouldn't wake up, and you needed to take some medicine."  
  
"DON'T YOU KNOW ABOUT THE THROAT THING?!"  
  
"Erm.no?"  
  
"Really? Well, neither do I. I've always wondered about that, actually. How does it work? And what is it?"  
  
Ryou took advantage of Bakura's sudden conversationalist turn by shoving a tablespoon of Pepto Bismol in his mouth. Bakura sputtered angrily before he was forced to swallow the vile-tasting medicine.  
  
"What was that for?"  
  
"It'll make you feel better!"  
  
"Oh yeah, just like stabbing me with a dull spatula will make me feel better!"  
  
"What are you talking about? I didn't stab you!"  
  
"Well, then.who did?"  
  
"No one stabbed you! You're just mental."  
  
"You're just making fun of me because I have to take special medicine. you bully."  
  
"Whatever. Now, get out of my bed! I want to go to sleep!"  
  
Bakura suddenly noticed the strawberry-flavored pocky in his hands. "Can I have some?"  
  
Ryou threw the food (that he wasn't happy with and that wasn't happy with him) out the door. Bakura managed to save it from falling on the floor and began eating it. "I thought your stomach hurt."  
  
"Of course not!"  
  
"Then why'd you say the pizza was poisoned?"  
  
"It smelled like bitter almonds! So obviously, they were poisoning me!"  
  
O.o?  
  
"CYANIDE!" Bakura yelled, brandishing the pocky at him.  
  
"Eek!" Ryou squeaked, stumbling backward.  
  
"Oh no, Ryou! You ate the pizza too! That means we're both gonna die!" However, as Bakura had just finished the last of the very threatening pocky, Ryou was no longer afraid, and was just annoyed. He pushed the mental albino out of his room and slammed the door in his face.  
  
"Mwahahahahahah! I can now wreak havoc upon the poor mortal grapes! They will never be able to defeat me! I will conquer them with one iron fist!"  
  
Ryou rolled his eyes as, five minutes later, there were sounds of Bakura being pelted by wrathful grapes.  
  
Hours later, Otogi called.  
  
"Are you up yet?"  
  
"Well, gee, now I am," Ryou said, annoyed.  
  
"Just making sure you don't oversleep or anything. I was just trying to help. You don't have to go all Ryou-zilla on me."  
  
"Gomen ne," he apologized. "It's just that I've had a long night."  
  
"Does poor Ryou-chan's head hurt?"  
  
".A little," he admitted.  
  
"HAS RYOU-CHAN BEEN DOING NAUGHTY THINGS?!"  
  
Ryou 'eeped' and threw the phone halfway across the room, so that he could listen to Otogi and still be able to hear later. "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" he yelled in the general direction of the phone.  
  
Otogi stopped yelling, so Ryou had to get up and retrieve the phone in order to continue the phone conversation. "I am sorry, sweet, innocent Ryou. I had forgotten just how naïve you were."  
  
"O.togi?" he asked, confused.  
  
"Never mind, never mind. So are you still coming?"  
  
"If you'll let me have a couple more hours of sleep. Yesterday was quite tiring."  
  
Ryou listening to the sounds of Otogi trying to keep his perverted comments to himself, but didn't know what they were. "Are you all right?"  
  
There was a muffled sound.  
  
"DON'T CHOKE, OTOGI! You remember what they taught us in health, right?! You remember how to do the Heimlich on yourself!?"  
  
More strange noises.  
  
"DON'T WORRY, I'LL CALL THE AMBULANCE FOR YOU!"  
  
Otogi burst out laughing. "I'm fine, Ryou. I was just.having technical difficulties."  
  
"You mean.you WEREN'T DYING!? I'LL KILL YOU, RYUUJI OTOGI!"  
  
Otogi 'eeped' and hung up on him.  
  
"How dare he use my word!" Ryou yelled, and went back to sleep.  
  
AN: Hi, everybody! Thanks for all the happy happy reviews! They make me happy! And to the person who said it, yes! This is an AU, meaning I've basically thrown the original story out the window and made up my own. I thought I had said that in here somewhere. Oh well. Please review! Puuuuuurple button.. Mmmm. 


	5. Chapter 5

Room For Rent  
  
Chapter Five  
  
AN: I'm so sorry, you nice people! I did not mean to take this long to update! Eurgh. Mou.  
  
And to the person who was talking about the random periods, they're supposed to be the dot-dot-dot thing, but it gets screwed up.and stuff. And then there's the dialogue, where the people just talk funny. That and I sometimes have bad punctuation when I'm not concentrating. I'm not lucid very often.  
  
Onto the chapter!  
  
"Where's Otogi?" Ryou asked, staring around the almost empty parking lot of the arcade.  
  
"Maybe he wised up and ditched you," Bakura grumbled. He was in a bad mood, because he had been forced to listen to Ryou's Celine Dion CD the whole way there.  
  
"Oh, they wouldn't do that. They're not mean like you."  
  
"I'm not mean. You're just an imbecile."  
  
"SPINACH!"  
  
"No; you still owe me for rescuing you from the creepy men at the police station, remember?"  
  
"I took care of you!"  
  
"When?" Bakura asked, looking puzzled.  
  
"When the pizza people poisoned you with Cyanide!"  
  
"I don't remember that."  
  
"You've got to! You collapsed on my bed! And I poured water on you!"  
  
Bakura paused for a moment, thinking. "Nope, don't remember."  
  
"AAAAARGH! You're hopeless!" Ryou was about to hit Bakura with a random object lying somewhere nearby, but the albino was saved by the arrival of Otogi's car.  
  
"Otogi!" Ryou yelled happily.  
"YOU SAAAAAAVED ME!" Bakura yelled happily. Ryou glared in his general direction, making a swiping motion against his throat. Bakura yelped and ran away, hiding behind the black-haired man who had just stepped out of the maroon Cadillac.  
  
The man looked at him strangely. "I suppose you're Bakura, then?"  
  
Bakura nodded.  
  
"Well, don't worry; Ryou's not usually this mean. You just moved in with him at the wrong time of the month."  
  
"OTOGI!" Ryou screeched angrily.  
  
In the meantime, Honda, Jounouchi, Yami, Yuugi, Mai, and the Anzu (grr!) had stepped out of the Cadillac. After all, it is a big Cadillac.  
  
Everyone introduced themselves to Bakura except Anzu, who shrieked and yelled, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" in the poor man's ears.  
  
"Itaiiiiiiiiiiiii!"  
  
"I thought I said never to come near me again! I've moved on!"  
  
"I ain't here to see you, moron! I'm with him." He pointed to Ryou.  
  
"Oh, so I guess being dumped by me was too much for your poor heart, so you went gay," Anzu said, fluffing her hair.  
  
"I never even liked you! You were the one begging me to go out with you!"  
  
"That's just what you're saying now."  
  
"C'mon, Anzu. He's not worth your time," Mai said, pulling the creepy woman away from a twitching Baku-chan. She winked at him.  
  
"Eh?" Bakura asked, staring after them. "Hn. Whatever." He followed the someone-tachi into the arcade.  
  
When they got inside, everyone headed to their separate games. Honda and Jounouchi started playing pool, Anzu cranked up the DDR thingy, Otogi started playing DDM against a random extra person, Yami and Yuugi played M&W against each other, and Ryou seated himself at the Mortal Kombat machine.  
  
"Hey, I wanna play too!" Bakura said, pushing Ryou to the side of the seat.  
  
Ryou growled at him, jamming some coins into the machine. He selected his character, a man wearing purple. Bakura chose a guy wearing a red outfit, and the fight started.  
  
Before Bakura could even start teasing Ryou about his avatar having a purple shirt, Ryou launched an assault on Bakura, the little purple-pixeled person kicking and punching. Bakura couldn't get any hits in, so just took to staring at Ryou's lightning-fast fingers jamming away at the attack buttons.  
  
Before he knew it, his life meter had been reduced to zero once, which caused him to wake from his stupor. He took to mashing buttons, copying Ryou's techniques in an attempt to use them against him.  
  
But it was already too late for poor Bakura. Within ten seconds, his poor avatar was KO'd.  
  
After five vicious fights with similar outcomes, the group of Ryou's friends had gathered around to watch the spectacle. Bakura was beginning to feel nervous; it hurt his pride to have this little girly-boy beating him at a manly game like MK. So, with no other options and hardly any life left, he pushed Ryou out of his seat.  
  
"Itaiiiiii." Ryou whimpered. Bakura grinned; he had finally won! O.K., so he had been cheating, but still! While still in the middle of his victory hands dance, there was a harsh tug on his sleeve. Caught off guard, he went tumbling to the floor.  
  
"There." Ryou said, voice very close. "You finally won; are you happy?" came the hot breath on his ear.  
  
However, Bakura wasn't paying too much attention to what was being said; his mind had been left on the hot breath thing.  
  
"Now, get off me," Ryou grumbled.  
  
Oh, yeah. Bakura was kinda lying with his back against Ryou's stomach, wasn't he? He suddenly got an eeeeeevil idea.  
  
"No," he said.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You're the one who pulled me down."  
  
"You pushed me out of my chair!"  
  
"So."  
  
"I was getting back at you!"  
  
Meanwhile, aforementioned crowd around them started muttering. Example: Otogi's not-so-quiet declaration of, "I knew they were going at it!"  
  
"Don't you hear them?" Ryou asked, voice becoming nervous. "They're having THOUGHTS!"  
  
"And I suppose this is momentous because them thinking doesn't happen very often?"  
  
"Thoughts about US!"  
  
"And that's a bad thing because?"  
  
"I'll cry if you don't get up."  
  
"Fine," Bakura said, resigned. He sat up and took over the MK seat, deciding it would be easier to win while playing against the computer.  
  
"I think my lung is crushed." Ryou moaned.  
  
"Oh, you'll be fine," Bakura said, turning his attention back to the game. However, he couldn't concentrate; his mind kept replaying the events of the past few minutes, inserting naughty suggestions of what he could have done.  
  
It was those thoughts that made him lose to the computer. That had to be the reason.  
  
"NO MORE THOUGHTS, I BEG OF YOU!" Bakura finally yelled, promptly fainting.  
  
Ryou pushed him out of the seat and resumed playing. Halfway through the boss level, however, he felt something warm close around his idle fingers.  
  
A sleeping Bakura was holding his hand.  
  
Ryou blushed. His avatar promptly died.  
  
Final score: Ryou-fifteen, Bakura-two.  
  
AN: Tee-hee! That chapter was fun to write. Pre-shounen-ai-ness! Mou!  
  
Please read and review. 


	6. Chapter 6

Room For Rent  
  
Chapter Six  
  
AN: So sorry, peoples! I couldn't think of anything to write, and then I got sick, and now I need to study for my finals! I have a test on the map of the world tomorrow, and I seriously need to be studying! Eek.  
  
"See you in class on Monday, then," Ryou said, waving goodbye. He had managed to shake Bakura into semi-wakefulness, and had him sitting in the car, while he and Otogi exchanged goodbyes.  
  
Seeing the others all piling into Otogi's Cadillac, he opened his own car door and settled in the plush seat. Bakura was still only half awake, unconsciously humming to a Michelle Branch CD that had started playing when he'd turned the car on.  
  
*I used to get away with so much  
  
Now I can't get away  
  
I even thought that it was simple  
  
To say the things I wanted to say*  
  
Ryou gulped, switching the CD player off. He didn't exactly know why, but hearing that song (especially when Bakura was humming it in the background) made him feel. strange? Something like that.  
  
He shivered, despite the fact that it wasn't cold in the slightest, and continued driving.  
  
*~*  
  
During one of his first conversations with Bakura, he had been surprised to learn that they went to the same college. Bakura had brushed this off by saying that their schedules were exactly opposite and he didn't eat lunch in the cafeteria. Ryou, who still found it strange, had been trying to locate Bakura's sacred luncheon spot for the past few days, and had only succeeded in missing lunch several times.  
  
So, on a lovely Wednesday at noon, Ryou was munching on an apple and wandering around the school grounds. After having participated in an extensive search of the buildings, he had concluded that his roomie (sorta) consumed his middle-of-the-day meal outside.  
  
He didn't find Bakura, but he did meet a nice pair of squirrels who threw acorns at him from their tree. He took it as a gesture of friendship; they were simply trying to share their food with him, but had very bad aim and kept hitting him on the head.  
  
"Itaiiiii!" Ryou yelped. "I appreciate it, I really do, but that hurts! Please stop throwing acorns at me; I have my own food!"  
  
"You really shouldn't let rodents abuse you, you know."  
  
"Oh, hello Otogi. They weren't abusing me, they were just trying to share their food supply with me."  
  
"Riiight. So I suppose you're no longer making others suffer with your PMS?"  
  
Ryou glared weakly at him. "I don't appreciate you insinuating that I am a female."  
  
"Aww, poor Ryou-chan," Otogi said, throwing an arm about his shoulders. "What are you doing out here, anyway? You should be hanging out with us in the cafeteria."  
  
"I was wondering where Bakura ate his lunch, that's all."  
  
"Aww, does Ryou have a crush on someone?"  
  
"NO!" Ryou asked, mood taking a 180 degree turn.  
  
"Gee, Ryou, I was just kidding around. If you want to know anything about him, ask the Anzuuuuuuu. She would probably know, considering she's his ex."  
  
"But.the Anzuuuuuuuu is scary."  
  
"Then make Yuugi ask her. She likes Yuugi."  
  
"I thought she liked Yami." Ryou mused.  
  
"Not much difference, is there?" Otogi asked, grinning. "I mean, kiss one of 'em and you've kissed 'em both, right?"  
  
"Don't you even bring that up," Ryou warned.  
  
"Oh, why not? I mean, the both of you were drunk, after all. I'd say it's worth a laugh every now and again."  
  
"You had better keep it a secret!"  
  
"Oh, come on, you only kissed Yami. I bet he doesn't even remember."  
  
"How could he forget?"  
  
"He was so drunk he started seeing little Funny Bunnys everywhere!"  
  
"Oh, yeah. and then he and Kaiba had a slow dance." Ryou muttered, remembering how a drunken Kaiba had walked on his knees while dancing with Yami. "Gasp! Baku!!!"  
  
His roomie didn't look up, and continued eating his cheese sandwich.  
  
"Ba-ku-ra?"  
  
"Are you just going to sit there and ignore me, Baku-chan?"  
  
"Ahem. Baku is the capital of Azerbaijan," Bakura said tonelessly.  
  
AN: Really and truly it is! It makes me giggle! Unfortunately, I don't have to know that capital! Urgh!  
  
"Oh. Well, that's nice to know," Ryou said, suddenly noticing a thick textbook in Bakura's lap. "You studying?"  
  
"Yeah," Bakura said, popping open a can of Pringles. "Got a test in Trig today, and I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing."  
  
AN again: I'm afraid we all have that problem, Baku-chan!  
  
"I thought you were going to teach high school math. Why do you have to know how to do all that stuff?" Ryou asked, staring at the symbols and formulas crammed into the margins of Bakura's notebook paper.  
  
"We're Japanese, remember? We're obsessed with school!"  
  
"Oh. Oh, yeah. Well, all I have to do is read books all day!"  
  
"And then write two-hundred page reports on them," Bakura snorted, while frantically trying to rework problem seven, which had by now taken up all of two pages.  
  
Ryou plopped down on the grass beside him, liberating a Pringle from the little red can.  
  
"Hey!" Bakura yelled. "That's mine!"  
  
There was a furious wrestling match for the baked, non-greasy chip. They both grabbed half of the chip, and tugged. The poor dried potato shattered. The two white-haired boys stared at it for a moment. A gang of squirrels quickly purloined the pieces, scampering up a tree with them.  
  
"NOOOOOO!" Bakura yelled, beating on the trunk of the tree. "GIVE THAT BACK, YOU ROBBERS!"  
  
"Bakura, it's O.K.," Ryou whispered in a soothing voice, trying to restrain the slightly taller boy by grabbing him by the shoulders.  
  
"Aah! Don't do that, female!" Bakura shrieked, trying to escape the semi-embrace.  
  
"Eep!" Ryou squeaked, realizing what he'd been doing. "Oh, I'm sorry, Bakura! It's just. you shouldn't try to kill the squirrels! The squirrels are nice!"  
  
"But.they stole my Pringles!"  
  
"There's still some left," Ryou said, holding the can out for him.  
  
"Wait. it's all your fault my food got stolen! You're the one who took the chip in the first place!"  
  
Ryou apparently wasn't listening, as he was chewing on Bakura's sandwich.  
  
"You're eating all my food!"  
  
"I'm hungry! All I've had to eat today was an orange peel, some coffee grounds, and three Saltines!"  
  
("And an apple," Otogi whispered.)  
  
"You sound like my Grandma when she eats too much lunch!"  
  
"Well, I'm still hungry," Ryou said, finishing the sandwich.  
  
"Grr."  
  
"I think lunch is about over," Ryou said, glancing at his watch.  
  
"Oh no! I've hardly studied at all!"  
  
"You mean you really care about your grades?"  
  
"This is all your fault, Ryou!"  
  
"Can I have your Coke?"  
  
"Blehhhhhh," Bakura spat, standing up and walking off in the direction of his Trig class.  
  
"I'll take that as a yes," Ryou said, picking up the Coca-Cola bottle and draining it.  
  
"Ryou." Otogi said, in a singsong voice.  
  
"What, Oto-kun?"  
  
"You do realize what you just did?"  
  
"Made Baku shriek?"  
  
"No. you kissed Bakura!"  
  
"No I didn't!"  
  
"You drank after him, so therefore, you're indirectly kissing him. and the Anzuuuuuuuu!"  
  
"Eep!" Ryou squeaked.  
  
"Bwahahahahahahah!"  
  
"Shut up, Dice Boy," Honda said as he walked by, yanking on the dice earrings. "Leave poor, naïve, innocent Ryou-chan alone. He doesn't need to be exposed to your perversion."  
  
"Does that mean you're offering yourself?" Otogi asked, giving Honda the 'suggestive eyebrows'.  
  
"WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT DOING THAT DURING SCHOOL HOURS?!" Honda yelled, giving the dice another jerk.  
  
"You're so mean, Hirohoto," Otogi whined.  
  
Honda rolled his eyes. "I'll make it up to you later, uke darling."  
  
Ryou backed away slowly, then ran screaming to his grammar class.  
  
AN: Mou! I hope none of you were planning on torching me if I didn't update soon. I also hope that you're happy, because now I'm going to faiiiiiiiiiiil! Like Baku! And then I still have tons of tests after that!  
  
And I'm still sick! Blehhhhh. 


	7. Chapter 7

Room For Rent  
  
Chapter Seven  
  
AN: Hello all and welcome to chapter seven of RFR! Seeing as how it is the holiday season (pc-ness, mou!) I am going to try and update on or before December 25. For some of you, that is Christmas. Winter gifts for all you wonderful readers! Yay-ness!  
  
Also, I have skipped ahead to the holiday season! More yay-ness! Aren't you just so lucky? Yeah, well anyway. Enjoy if you'd like.  
  
*~*  
  
"It's the most wonderful time of the year."  
  
"Yeah, right," Bakura grumbled, trudging through half a foot of snow in order to make it to the mall. Like a dumb bunny (albeit a demonic dumb bunny), he had waited until the weekend before Christmas to even start his holiday shopping.  
  
Then again, he didn't have too many presents to get; there was only one person on his list. Himself.  
  
"O.K., I guess I could get something for Ryou, too," he told the PO'd angel on his shoulder, who had been threatening to thwack him with a rubber axe.  
  
The angel settled down, rearranging its ruffled feathers. The demon on the other shoulder made a slicing motion across its throat. Angel retorted by sticking his tongue out at demon. Angel and demon commenced brawling, and Bakura quickly ducked behind a display board of Spongebob Squarepants to hide.  
  
He then wandered around the mall, stumbling into various shops to look at the wares. He never went to the mall, and didn't know too much about the stores or even how to shop at the mall. That, and he didn't know what to get Ryou, either.  
  
Eventually, he made it to a store called Hot Topic. One side of the store held punk wares and the other side had raver clothes. Bakura was surprised that he vaguely remembered this store. He must have visited here when he was drunk once. Hmm.  
  
He snatched up some Grr armbands and a sexy belt for himself, but then remembered that he was supposed to get Ryou something, too. These winter holidays were so complicated! He grabbed a fake leather choker from the rack and an 'I'm With Stupid' T-shirt from the display, and headed to the check-out counter.  
  
A man wearing a bright pink shirt and black mascara stared at him, ringing up the items without so much as looking at them. "Blah yen."  
  
Bakura threw the amount of blah yen at him.  
  
"Thanks, sexy."  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Bakura yelled, snatching his bags and running away screaming. It was creepy, how the guy was staring at him! And he hit on him!  
  
".Ewwww."  
  
"Bakura!" said a voice behind him.  
  
Bakura jumped slightly as an arm was slipped around his shoulders. He looked behind him. "Ma-mariku?"  
  
"Of course it's Mariku, gina-chan!" Mariku cooed, purposefully breathing hotly on his neck. Bakura tried to concentrate on the baka downstairs who was playing with the helicopter, but it didn't work too well.  
  
Shivers went up Bakura's spine. "QUIT SEDUCING ME!"  
  
"Pfft," Mariku puffed, moving about four inches away. "Fine then. You ruin all my fun, did you know that?"  
  
"I thought you and Malik were dating now," Bakura gasped, palpitating.  
  
"Of course we are." Mariku stared at the panting Bakura. "Don't wet yourself," he advised.  
  
"Like I was going to," Bakura shot back.  
  
"Suuuuuure," Mariku said, reaching out a hand to stroke a lock of silver hair.  
  
"Nggh," Bakura murmured in protest. Mariku's fingers slipped to the neckline of his shirt. "CHIKAN!"  
  
Mariku stepped back, only slightly perturbed. "It's certainly been a long time, hasn't it, itooshi?"  
  
"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" Bakura yelled, attracting the attention of everyone in the store. The helicopter baka got hit in the head with the toy, but he didn't notice because he was staring dumbly at Baku and Mariku.  
  
"Ah, a crowd. Hello, all you people!" he yelled, waving. He then turned back to his friend-slash-ex. "Are you still going out with that creepy girl?"  
  
"No. She dumped me. I never liked her anyway."  
  
"She was a loser. So then, who's your next victim, eh?"  
  
" 'Victim'?"  
  
"You know.is it a boy or a girl?"  
  
"I'm not dating anyone!"  
  
"Then why don't you go dancing with me?" Mariku asked, batting his thick golden lashes suggestively.  
  
"I'm not going anywhere with you. Moron."  
  
"Oooh, what's in the bag?" Malik, who had suddenly appeared, asked. He pounced on Bakura, stealing the bag from him. He immediately pulled out the sexy belt. "Ooh, fun. Mariku, darling, think of all the things we could do with this!"  
  
"That's mine!" Bakura yelled angrily.  
  
"Of course it is, Baku! We'll have to make it a threesome, then!"  
  
Bakura gagged whiled Mariku grinned and patted the top of Malik's head. "You're having very kinky thoughts for being a naïve, innocent uke."  
  
"Of course I am, Mariku-seme! And it's all thanks to you!"  
  
Bakura promptly fainted.  
  
*~*  
  
"I suppose we should take him home," Malik said, staring at the swirly-eyed Bakura.  
  
"Where does he live?"  
  
"Let's look in his wallet!" Malik happily retrieved the wallet from Bakura's pocket. "Tee-hee, look at his mugshot! He looks like he stuck his finger in an electric socket!  
  
"Isn't that what you always say about my hair?" Mariku asked.  
  
"Well, it does!"  
  
"Look at the address on there!"  
  
"That's where he used to live. In the apartment with us."  
  
"Well, hey, nothing wrong with taking him there," Mariku said.  
  
"Yay! Let's take him, let's take him!"  
  
"But he probably wouldn't appreciate it too much," Mariku said, and began flipping through the rest of his billfold. He came across a picture of a college-aged boy who looked almost exactly like their white-haired friend, except a little more innocent.  
  
"He's so pretty!" Malik giggled, looking over Mariku's shoulder. "Does Bakura have a younger brother or something?"  
  
"Not that I know of."  
  
Mariku finally found a newspaper clipping with an address circled in red ink. "This must be where he lives!"  
  
*~*  
  
"Every Who down in Who-ville liked Christmas a lot..."  
  
The doorbell rang, tearing Ryou away from 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas'. He stumbled to the door, dressed in his cute penguin pajamas and carrying a cup of hot cocoa.  
  
"Do you know this man?" A strange blonde boy asked him, shoving the unconscious Bakura in Ryou's face.  
  
Ryou contemplated shoving the door in his face, but decided that would be mean, and opened the door fully. "Yes," he answered tiredly.  
  
"See, I told you we'd find him sooner or later!" the boy said cheerily to what looked to be his twin, except with wilder hair and a taller figure. He dumped Bakura on the couch.  
  
"Um. who are you?" Ryou asked, sleepily rubbing his eyes.  
  
Malik went 'awwwwww', and was rather busy going 'awwwwww' (his brain overheats if he thinks too hard, you know), so Mariku introduced them for him.  
  
"So, you're friends of Bakura's?"  
  
"Uh-huh!"  
  
"Well, I'm Ryou. He's my boarder."  
  
"He must be a very lucky man, to be living with a cute little thing like you," Mariku said, making Ryou blush crimson.  
  
"Umm. errr." both Malik and Mariku scooted closer to him from opposite ends of the couch, successfully hemming him in. "W-what are you doing?"  
  
"Just watching The Grinch," Malik said innocently, although he was internally cheering himself on for his wonderful pretext.  
  
Halfway through the movie, Mariku had begun threading his fingers through Ryou's soft silvery hair. Ryou had no complaints about that. After all, his hair was so messy that every little bit helped. But then, Malik bit his earlobe.  
  
"Eek!" Ryou shrieked, jumping up (and also waking Bakura). "What are you, sex fiends?!"  
  
A sleepy Bakura pulled the shaking Ryou into his arms and pulled him into his lap. Ryou 'eep'ed again, softer this time, but didn't protest too much. He was too busy blushing the color of a sunburned lobster.  
  
Mariku and Malik stood from the couch. "I guess we'll be leaving you two alone, then," Mariku said. "Ta-taa!" He and his koibito strolled out the door, shutting and locking it behind them.  
  
Ryou, pinned to Bakura's chest, tried to make the most of the situation by continuing to watch the Grinch.  
  
"And he. HE HIMSELF.! The Grinch carved the roast beast!"  
  
"Roast beast.yum..." Bakura mumbled, tightening his hold on Ryou.  
  
"Eep!"  
  
AN: What is this rated? If it's PG, then I'll have to make it higher! Stupid Marik(u) and Malik! They always seem to increase the rating! (They did that in Potholes, too, with all their talk of vanilla ice cream and the like).  
  
But anyway, I hope you enjoyed it. I don't know if it was funny or not. All I know is that it was ecchi. And that might amuse some of you. So.blehh. Review, please!  
  
~HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL OF YOU~ 


	8. Chapter 8

Room for Rent  
  
Chapter Eight  
  
AN: happy holidays, y'all! I've been fiddling with my new computer, playing too much Windwaker, and not getting enough sleep! I hope you're having as much fun as I am!  
  
"What'cha doin'?" Bakura asked, staring as Ryou mixed various spices together in a pot on the stove.  
  
"I am concocting a solution that shall have the power to rid the world of all those named Bakura!" Ryou said magnificently.  
  
"O.o. Does that mean the thing you're making will kill me, and anyone else unlucky enough to have my name?"  
  
"By George, I think he's got it!"  
  
"Who's George?" Bakura asked, confused.  
  
Ryou glared at him, before going back to stirring the liquid in the pot, throwing a few cloves in for good measure. The doorbell rang. "Answer the door."  
  
"No," Bakura said, pouting and crossing his arms.  
  
Ryou sighed heavily. "Fine. I'll answer the door. You can finish making the Wassail."  
  
"Wos-what?" Bakura called to the boy's retreating back.  
  
"Just look at the recipe!"  
  
Bakura angrily stomped over to the bubbling pot, looking on the counter next to the stove. The cookbook (1,001 Ways to Celebrate the Season With Your Family) was open to a recipe for the drink.  
  
Ingredients: one unpeeled orange  
  
12-18 whole cloves  
  
brown sugar  
  
1 tsp. cinnamon  
  
pinch powdered cloves  
  
pinch mace  
  
1/2 tsp. allspice  
  
1/2 tsp. ground ginger  
  
1 strip lemon peel  
  
1 cup water  
  
1 quart port wine  
  
1 quarter cup brandy: heated  
  
nutmeg  
  
"Ooh, it's alcoholic!" Bakura cried gleefully, setting to work without a moment's hesitation, pouring the wine and heated brandy in with no concern for measurements. Once both bottles had been drained, he threw them in the trash and bounced merrily into the living room.  
"Oh, hello, Seto Kaibaaaaaaaaaa!"  
  
Kaiba glared.  
  
"Fine; see if I care. You're just a computer geek anyway," Bakura huffed.  
"Are you finished making the Wassail?" Ryou asked, closing the closet door (Kaiba had refused to take off his pointy trenchcoat).  
"Of course I am! It was more fun than I thought it would be!"  
"It will be the instrument of your doom," Ryou reminded him, putting the presents from Seto under the tree.  
"So? It was still fun!"  
"Right."  
  
Ryou's and Bakura's living room slowly filled with Ryou's friends, random people from off the street, and groups of bloodthirsty yaoi fangirls.  
"Uhh. what do we do now?"  
"SNOG!" Fangirl # 1 yelled.  
"I'm thinkin' not," Jounouchi said, although not everyone agreed with his decision; Otogi was giving Honda the bedroom eyes, while Malik and Marik had "mysteriously" disappeared.  
"Let us eat!"  
"Yay!" There was a mad stampede toward the food tables.  
After eating so much food the guests were miserable, they seated themselves in the living room once again, gathering around the stack of presents.  
"Anybody want to pass out the presents?" Ryou asked, but no one volunteered; they were too stuffed to move from their comfy spots on his couches. "Fine then; I'll do it," he got up, grumbling, and plopped down in front of the tree.  
He picked up a present on the top of the pile. "Oh, look! It's for me!" He shook the gold-wrapped package, holding it to his ear. He blushed, then glanced back at the name tag. "MARIKU!"  
Mariku stumbled out of the bathroom with an 'Eep!', glancing back and forth. "Nani? IS SOMEONE DYING?" He spotted the radish-colored Ryou sitting on the floor. "OH RYOU, DON'T DIE YET! THERE WERE SO MANY THINGS WE HADN'T DONE YET!"  
"YOU PERVERT!" Ryou shrieked.  
"Oh. Why, thank you," Mariku said, primping in front of a mirror hanging on the wall. "Do you think I should dye my hair red?" he asked Otogi. Otogi stared back at him as if the blonde was crazy, which of course, he was. "No, I didn't think so either."  
"WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS!?" Ryou shrieked, brandishing the parcel in Mariku's face.  
"Does my dear little Ryou not know the true meaning of Christmas?" Mariku asked. "Christmas is a time where family and friends actually speak to eachother! And they even get eachother gifts no one wants that come from the Dollar Tree! That is the true meaning of Christmas!"  
"How touching," Malik said from the doorway of the bathroom, dabbing at his eyes with a piece of fabric he had cut from Ryou's tablecloth.  
"But why did you get me. bad things?"  
"It's only socks," Mariku said flatly.  
"What?" Ryou asked, a little embarrassed now about the whole ordeal.  
"But they're special socks. Go on. Open them."  
"They'd better not have porno pictures of you and Malik on them!"  
"Oh Ryou, I'm hurt. I'd never do a thing like that!"  
"Uh-huh. Right."  
  
"Are you gonna pass out any presents already?!" the mob yelled.  
"Oh. Oh, yeah." Ryou said sheepishly, blushing. "Here, Anzu. It sounds like Jounouchi got you a blender."  
"Yay! A blender," Anzu said, in a tone that clearly stated she didn't want a blender. After all, what would she do with it?  
"I just knew you'd like it!" Jounouchi said happily.  
  
"All right folks, I know that was a little too exciting for your own good, but I'm going to throw another one out! Ah, and it sounds like Yuugi has a new pair of leather boots from Yami. As if he really needs them." *~*  
  
By midnight, everyone had left, and Ryou was trying to make Bakura help him clean up.  
"Oh, come on, 'Kura!"  
"Only if you let me open my present from you first!" Bakura said, crossing his arms over his chest defiantly.  
"You can do that on Christmas morning!" Ryou said  
"It's already Christmas morning! See!" Bakura yelled, shoving his digital watch in Ryou's face.  
"Get to bed!" Ryou yelled, losing his cool.  
"Nope," Bakura said, facing away from him.  
"NOW!"  
  
The doorbell rang.  
"See, I can't go to bed. I have to answer the door," Bakura said, answering the door just to spite Ryou.  
He was greeted by one of their neighbors, wearing a dressing gown and a nightcap. The man stood there, yawning.  
"May I help you?" Bakura asked in a not-so-nice way that could get one fired from a fast food restaurant.  
"Oh, yes. Could you two please keep it down? I know you're trying to have hot bunny sex in there, and I totally respect that, but my children are trying to sleep. If they are not asleep in their beds with visions of sugarplums dancing in their heads, Santa Claus will not visit them and they will be sad children!"  
"I need a drink," Ryou said, and drained the rest of the Wassail in the pot (which was, unsurprisingly, quite a lot).  
Meanwhile, Bakura was insulting the man in any way possible while trying to recover from the 'hot bunny' comment. "It sounds like they're already sad children! I mean, they have you for a father!" With that, he slammed the door in the man's face.  
"Who wears a sleeping cap anymore anyway? And a man wearing a dressing gown! I certainly hope that if he has any sons, they're all adopted."  
Bakura went back to shaking his presents still left under the tree. Ryou staggered into the living room, landing on the floor next to Bakura. "Eh?"  
"How much wine and brandy did you put in the Wassail?"  
"Uhh. all of both bottles. Why? Was I not supposed to?"  
"Ugh," Ryou groaned. "I think I'm gonna barf."  
"Not on me!" Bakura shrieked, trying to get away.  
"Bakura. carry me to my room?"  
"You'll be fine walking by yourself," Bakura, obstinate as ever, plopped down on the couch.  
Ryou clambered onto the couch beside him, taking hold of his arm.  
"What do you think you're doing, female?"  
"Hmm," Ryou sighed, snuggling into Bakura's side. "I'll let that comment slide, but only because I'm sloshed."  
Bakura blushed, staring down at the sleeping Ryou. "Blah," he said.  
  
*~*  
Ryou found himself being rudely awakened after only five hours of sleep. "Can I open the presents now? Can I, huh, can I?"  
Ryou grinned, seeing the shining face of Bakura. He was lying on the couch with a blanket over him. He was extremely groggy (a word that probably originated from 'grog', the sailor's drink of choice) and he felt like he was lukewarm death (AKA death warmed over). Bakura, however, was hopping around excitedly, waiting for Ryou's answer.  
"Go ahead," Ryou said, groaning.  
"Here!" Bakura said, and Ryou found a present in his lap.  
"How'd that get there?" Ryou asked slowly.  
"Open it! Open it!"  
Ryou slowly tore the paper off, making Bakura impatient. "RIP THE PAPER! YOU MUST HEAR ITS SCREAMS!"  
"I don't need your help, thanks," Ryou said, having finally torn off the last miniscule speck of dancing reindeer wrapping paper from the box. He slid the lid off the box.  
"Yay, a dog collar!"  
"I got you an 'I'm With Stupid' T-shirt, too! That way you don't have to make any snide comments, you can just stand beside me!"  
"I love it Bakura, I love it," Ryou droned.  
"I'm so glad! Now, I can open my present!" Bakura happily took to shredding the paper. "A.a manga?"  
"Yup! It's Saint Tail!"  
"AAAAAAAH! Creepy shoujo manga! HOW COULD YOU RYOU, HOW COULD YOU?"  
"It's just a gag. I really got you some pants."  
"Really! Yay! They're leather! Let me try them on!"  
Bakura was back five minutes later. It had taken so long because he couldn't stop admiring himself in the mirror, but I won't go into that. "I love them, Ryou! Thank you!" He said, hugging Ryou happily. "Wait. whoa, that was strange."  
"Y-yes it was," Ryou said, carefully avoiding the sight of a leather- clad Bakura. "Of course, it's just imitation leather. I'll let you eat cows, but I don't want you wearing any!"  
"But it's even the right size! .Wait. How do you know my size?" Seeing Ryou blush deeply, he reiterated. "My pants size, you hentai!"  
"Oh. I do wash your clothes, you know."  
"Really? I thought the laundry fairies did that."  
"Pfft. Moron. I'm going to bed now." Ryou was halfway to the stairway before Bakura realized what he was doing.  
"Matte, Ryou! You need to cook me breakfast!" Bakura yelled, jogging up to Ryou (don't ask me how).  
"Eep!"  
"What? What are you going 'eep' for, all of the sudden?" He followed Ryou's line of vision, to see mistletoe hanging above them.  
"I told you not to hang that stuff up all over the place, but you did it anyway, and look where it's got you." Bakura sighed, eyes flicking back to Ryou's crimson face. "Oh well, I suppose just this once." Bakura said, and gave Ryou a small kiss on the lips.  
"Eek!" Ryou said, and fainted dead away, still blushing.  
"I guess that means you enjoyed it, then?" Bakura asked of Ryou's unmoving body.  
He smirked.  
  
AN: Yay! Another chapter finished! Sorry about the long wait! I hope you enjoyed it, though. After all, I did make them kiss. So, review and. er.. Yeah. And don't wear the cows. Eat them, but don't wear them.  
  
DON'T LICK THE GREEN EYEBALL! 


	9. Chapter 9

Room for Rent  
  
Chapter Nine  
  
"Namek! Namek is being attacked!" Ryou yelled in his sleep.  
  
Bakura peered at him curiously from his seat on the couch.  
  
"What's going on.?" Ryou asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Bakura, what are you doing upside down?"  
  
Bakura stared back at him.  
  
"Quit being a big meanie!"  
  
Bakura continued staring. Ryou rolled over angrily and tromped up the steps, ranting about something or other.  
  
"Heh," Bakura chuckled. "Hahahahahah!"  
  
"WHAT WAS THAT!?" came the angry yell.  
  
"Nothing; just watching Britcoms." Ryou growled and slammed his door. "It must be PMS again; it's funny how women only have it once a month, but he has it constantly. hmmm."  
  
Bakura took a moment to mull over his profound statement, before shrugging and grinning brightly. "Animal crackers in my soup, monkeys and rabbits loop-the-loop."  
  
The man got up and began to do a Shirley Temple-esque tap dance routine. "Gosh oh gee, but I have fun, swallowing animals one by one!"  
  
The doorbell rang, scaring Bakura (he was concentrating intensively on his tap dancing), who went, "Eek!" and fell on his bottom. "Oh, no, the I have the Ryou disease!" he exclaimed as he went to answer the door.  
  
He slammed the door in the faces of the lowly mortals at the door, screaming, "AHHHHHHHHHHH!" After a minute or two, his heart's palpitations slowed a little and he peered outside.  
  
"Bakura, darling!" the woman shrilled, throwing thick arms around poor Baku. Bakura's father stood off to the side, wearing his usual scowl and thick glasses.  
  
The woman barged into the living room, seating herself on Bakura's favorite couch cushion. His father followed, plopping down on the floor next to the Christmas tree and staring at the tinsel that had fallen off.  
  
Ryou's stomping was heard coming down the stairs long before he arrived; apparently, he was still quite infuriated. "BAKURA, WHAT IN THE SEVEN HELLS ARE YOU DOING!?"  
  
Bakura's mother coughed into her hand to express her disapproval. "Who is this, son?"  
  
"Oh. erm. it's my fiancée!" He jumped up, throwing an arm around Ryou's shoulders. "You'll have to excuse her, she's not a morning person at all."  
  
Ryou wriggled out from Bakura's hold on him, glaring at the older boy.  
  
"Why don't you go into the kitchen and fix you some coffee, honey," Bakura suggested, waving Ryou in the direction of the kitchen. Ryou glared at him, but obeyed.  
  
"Brussels sprouts and spinach." Ryou muttered under his breath, pouring himself some coffee.  
  
"Bakura," his mother said, lowering her voice, "What happened to that nice girl you were dating?"  
  
"Nice? .do you mean the Anzu?"  
  
"Yes, that was her name."  
  
"Hahahahahahaha. She's not nice. She was. like Kikyo!"  
  
"Kikyo?"  
  
"Yesssh! She was a ho, too!"  
  
"Then why are you marrying this girl?" she asked, gesturing to the kitchen.  
  
"BECAUSE SHE'S BEARING MY CHILD!" Bakura exclaimed dramatically.  
  
Bakura's father spoke up, "See, HE knows that good things come to those who pay!"  
  
The mother hit him, and then got up and marched into the kitchen. Ryou looked up at the scary woman, sipping his coffee.  
  
"HOW DARE YOU TAINT MY SON!"  
Ryou stared at the scary woman. "Go away."  
  
"You came onto my son, didn't you!? YOU DATE RAPED MY BAKU-CHAN!"  
  
O.o  
  
"Actually, lady, he's the one who came onto me. just this morn, in fact."  
  
".You know, you have an awfully flat chest for a college-aged woman," Bakura's mother said thoughtfully.  
  
"Ahem," Ryou huffed, and carried his coffee to the kitchen, plopping down on the floor next to Bakura's father.  
  
"Konnichi wa," the father greeted.  
  
"You need to send your wife to the booby hatch," Ryou said conversationally.  
  
"I must agree heartily. I like you, little boy. Here, have some tinsel," Bakura's father said, sticking a piece of shiny silver stuff into Ryou's shiny silver hair.  
  
"Boy?!" Bakura's mother exclaimed. "Bakura, did losing Anzu make you go gay?!"  
  
"You've been talking to her, haven't you?" Bakura asked dryly. ".Being gay and with Ryou is a lot better than being straight and with the Anzu."  
  
Bakura watched as his mother fainted.  
  
"Anybody wanna play Go?" Bakura's father asked.  
  
*~*  
  
"So, you're not really engaged?"  
  
"No," Ryou answered, moving his piece. "Your son just wishes we were."  
  
"Well, I'm glad you've finally come out of the closet. It was bound to happen someday, so I'm glad it was for someone as charming as Ryou."  
  
"You're so polite! .your son obviously didn't learn manners from you."  
  
"I beat you."  
  
"Pfft. Oh well, I was never a good player anyway." Ryou tipped the Go board so that the pieces fell onto the table.  
"Yay! I get to play now!" Bakura said happily.  
  
"No, I bet your mother will be waking up about now. And she'll want to eat. things."  
  
"I don't wanna cook for that. woman."  
  
"Oh, that's all right. Bakura can cook for her."  
  
"Hey!" Bakura exclaimed. "Daddy."  
  
"Then.let's order take-out!"  
  
"Bakura's paying."  
  
"No fair!" Bakura whined.  
  
*~*  
  
"Bye-bye, you guys! Come back soon!" Ryou waved, grinning cheekily at Bakura's mother, who was still quite miffed about the entire situation. She stuck her nose high in the air and refused to look at Ryou.  
  
"I hope it rains."  
  
Bakura's mother huffed and got in their black hearse-looking car, slamming the door.  
  
"It was nice meeting you, Ryou. Good luck, Bakura; but remember to convert him soon, before he starts seeing other men!"  
  
The two albinos watched as the odd couple drove away.  
  
"Your parents are strange."  
  
"."  
  
"But your father is nice. if a bit touched in the head."  
  
"Hn."  
  
"Fine then. I won't talk to you, either," Ryou muttered, and stepped back inside. Bakura followed him about half an hour later, wearing a strange look on his face. He came and sat down on the sofa next to Ryou, who was watching a marathon of I Love Lucy.  
  
"Luuuuuucy, you got some esplainin' to do!"  
  
"Ryou?" Bakura asked in a strangely sincere tone. Ryou gasped.  
  
"Nani? Daijoubo ka, Bakura? Do you need the Heimlich?"  
  
"No, but mouth-to-mouth resuscitation would be nice right about now," Bakura said, somehow keeping a straight face.  
  
"Psh. Hentai, you've been spending too much time around Mariku and Malik."  
  
"How do you think of me?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"When you think about me, how does it make you feel?"  
  
"Gee.well, you annoy me a lot. but you're still my friend!"  
  
"I'm just a friend?"  
  
"O-of course! Why wouldn't you be?" Ryou seemed a little flustered, cheeks turning pink; he tugged at his collar, backing away from Bakura.  
  
Bakura chuckled. "Riiiight. Is little Ryou's mind fallen into the gutter?"  
  
"What?! No, of course not! I'm innocent and naïve!"  
  
"Heheheh."  
  
Before Ryou even knew what was happening, Bakura had his arms wrapped around the smaller boy, cuddling him like a plushie.  
  
"Chibi ichi."  
  
Ryou's heart started palpitating because of Bakura's whispering in his ears.  
  
"Daisuki yo!"  
  
Ryou huffed.  
  
"Converted yet?"  
  
AN: Mou! I know this took a looooong time. but I had writer's block! And school stuff, too. School is the devil!... yeah, anyway. Err. this chapter goes to my little Ryuujitsu-chan (specifically Futomi), for being special. and stuff.  
  
So, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. You know, clap and stuff. Bakura finally cuddled Ryou.again. Oh well. Admittedly, not much happened and I'm not sure where to go from here. Any and all suggestions are appreciated.  
  
Mou! ^ _ ~ 


	10. Chapter 10

Room for Rent  
  
Chapter Ten (Wow!... we've come so far!)  
  
AN: Erm... I apologize to Ichigo (?), but I'm not writing a lemon. I can't write them very well and it wouldn't go with the theme of the fic anyway... hee hee.  
  
Also, thanks to Jou (who is a vegetarian, btw. Let us clap for Jou), you get a dictionary. Here's the Japanese terms I remember using:  
  
Gina-chan: Mariku's pet name for Baku. Gina means silver.  
  
Chibi ichi: (literally) tiny one  
  
Ja ne: see you later  
  
Moshi moshi: telephone greeting  
  
Chikan: rape, I think ;)  
  
Err... that's all I can remember. Ah, well. Mou.  
  
Onto the chapter!  
  
"Marikuuuuu..." Bakura whined.  
  
"So, you finally decided to come crawling back?" Mariku asked, inspecting his manicured nails.  
  
"Ra no. It's just... I need advice..."  
  
"Romantic advice?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Are you suuuuure?" came Malik's singsong tone from beside Mariku. "I bet you finally decided to come out of the closet."  
  
Bakura was tempted to ask the blonde how he knew anything about being in the closet, but settled on plagiarizing Inuyasha. "Feh."  
  
"Aww, Baku's finally found someone to love? Could it be out dear Ryou?"  
  
"HE'S MY DEAR RYOU!... Errr... OF COURSE IT'S NOT RYOU!" Bakura added unconvincingly.  
  
"So, what did you want help with?" Mariku asked, stretching and putting an arm around Malik, who giggled.  
  
Bakura blushed. "Well, I..."  
  
"I've got plenty of lube, if that's what you need..."  
  
"OH MY RA NO!" Bakura yelled. "I'm not a sex fiend like you!"  
  
"You haven't gotten that far yet, have you?"  
  
"...No," Bakura finally admitted, shoulders slumping.  
  
"Poor Gina-chan... I can make it better..."  
  
"I don't want you to make it better," Bakura said, pouting.  
  
"How about we come over to dinner?" Malik suggested, twirling a strand of golden hair in his fingers. "I'm sure we could think of something that would drive Ryou into your arms..."  
  
"YOU'RE NOT GROPING MY RYOU!"  
  
"Possessive, aren't we?" Mariku asked, getting up from his seat and draping his arms over Bakura's shoulders. "But don't you want to do this to Ryou?" The arms closed around him. "And this?" Mariku rested his chin on Bakura's shoulder. "And how about this?"  
  
"STOP THAT!"  
  
*~*  
  
Somehow, by the grace of Ra or Kami or Brahma or any of those other dudes, Ryou let Mariku and Malik come over to dinner. Ryou had, at the last minute, cooked some ramen and stir-fried some broccoli, mushrooms, and onions, but the guests didn't complain.  
  
"This is lovely food you've cooked us, Ryou-chan," Mariku said, winking at Ryou. "Do you cook this well for Bakura?"  
  
"No. I usually make him eat spinach."  
  
"Oh, that makes me feel special. How 'bout we ditch the loser and go clubbing?"  
  
"N-nani?"  
  
"Or we could take you on a tour of the red light district," Malik proposed.  
  
"Eep!" Ryou yelped. "No, that's quite all right; I'm not all that interested in going to a bordello."  
  
"Oh, we would make sure they didn't try to take you. So, what do you say?"  
  
"Still no," Ryou said, discomfort increasing by the second. And to top that off, a warm thing kept brushing against his foot. He blushed deeply, tucking his feet in his chair.  
  
Bakura watched him strangely as Ryou shifted in his chair to accommodate his feet. "Ryou, do you need to borrow my medication?"  
  
"You mean the meds you never take?" Malik questioned, but was ignored.  
  
"No," Ryou answered, still flushed. "I'm fine, it's just..."  
  
"MARIKU, WERE YOU PLAYING FOOTSIE WITH RYOU?!"  
  
"Err..." Mariku began, visibly uncomfortable. "Malik was doing it too!"  
  
"I'm your uke! You're supposed to protect me!" Malik yelled, looking outraged. Bakura, meanwhile, went into Super PMS-y Overprotective 'Kura Mode, and heaved a dining room chair into the air, throwing it at Mariku.  
  
His aim was off, and the chair hit Malik in the head; Malik fell over dramatically, unconscious. Mariku then went into his How-Dare-You-Hurt-My- Uke Mode...  
  
And that was how the Great Plastic Fork Duel began...  
  
*~*  
  
Of course, how it ended was an entirely different matter. Malik had come to and he and Ryou were chatting about their favorite reality TV shows.  
  
"I like watching Bachelorette," Malik said conversationally, completely ignoring the chaos occurring around him.  
  
"Pfft. How can you watch that? Sitcoms like Golden Girls and Nanny are soo much better," Ryou said.  
  
"You watch Golden Girls, too? I looove that show! Sophia is so funny!"  
  
"Well, I like Rose; her mind is sterile."  
  
The doorbell rang. Seeing that no one else was going to answer it, Ryou tromped over to the door and opened it. "Oh, hello Yuugi, Yami. Come in... if you don't mind those two," Ryou said, pointing toward the two boys, who had dissolved back into throwing large, blunt objects at each other.  
  
"Though it's depressing to admit, I'm used to it," Yuugi confessed. "Mai and Jounouchi throw things at each other all the time."  
  
A preoccupied Yami didn't notice a plastic lawn chair speeding toward him. "Yami!" Yuugi yelled, pushing his love out of the way. The green flying object hit him in the back of the head, causing him to collapse.  
  
"Yuugi...?" Yami asked, staring at the younger boy's face. His eyes had turned into little swirlies and a big lump was forming on the side of his head. "Grrr..."  
  
Yami stood, eyes glowing crimson as he advanced on the culprit, Mariku. "How dare you hit my itooshi?  
  
"I-I didn't mean to," Mariku stammered, backing up until he found he had gotten himself stuck against the wall. He realized that Yami was about to give him the smackdown of his life, so Mariku acted in the only plausible way.  
  
"Ooh, kinky..."  
  
Yami turned green and backed away from the sniggering blonde, under the pretext of checking up on Yuugi. The extremely cute, extremely short boy was slowly coming to, and instantly cuddled up to Yami when he felt the familiar warmth of his koibito.  
  
This sort-of signaled the end of the Great Plastic Fork Duel, so everyone took their seats on various pieces of furniture.  
  
"Why did you guys come over here anyway? You know it's always crazy around here, with Bakura living with me..."  
  
Yami coughed. "Oh, well... Yuugi wanted to give all his friends chocolate, you know... for Valentine's... at least, that's what he told me. I don't understand it myself, but there you go..."  
  
"Grr... stupid Valentine's," Ryou growled, crossing his arms over his chest and pouting.  
  
"I'm hungry," Bakura said loudly.  
  
"You just ate," Mariku pointed out. Bakura gave him the nix sign, which the Egyptian somehow understood.  
  
"Anyway, I imagine Yami and Yuugi are hungry. Would you like me to warm up some of the Ramen?"  
  
"No..." Bakura glared purposefully at Yami. "Ehh... well, I suppose I could eat something..."  
  
"Exactly! So, come on."  
  
Yami followed Bakura into the kitchen, leaving Yuugi in the care of Ryou. "What do you want?"  
  
"What's wrong with the Ryou?" Bakura asked.  
  
"Pfft." Yami hopped onto the counter, picking up a bag of pretzels and munching on them. "Ryou's last boyfriend dumped him on Valentine's."  
  
Bakura waited a second for this to sink in. Processing, please wait... "You mean I don't have to convert him?"  
  
"He's always been on both sides of the line, if you know what I mean. Of course, he hasn't been very romantically active since last year... you know, when Seto dumped him..."  
  
"NANI?!" Bakura yelled, outraged.  
  
"Yeah. Seto and Ryou used to be the perfect couple, but then the news reporters found out and... it sort of ruined Seto's reputation. His reputation is pretty important, him being a big CEO and all... so when Seto said that he couldn't date Ryou anymore, Ryou decided that it was for the best anyway."  
  
"Mou...?" Bakura's googly crimson eyes had big tears in them. "Kaiba got to Ryou first...?"  
  
Yami rolled his eyes. "Your Ryou still has his hat, if that's what you mean..."  
  
"Ryou has a hat? What kind of hat is it?"  
  
"A mobile phone company hat," Yami answered.  
  
"Nextel? Verizon? Bubba Joe's Cell Phones?"  
  
"VIRGIN!" Yami screeched, finally losing his cool.  
  
Bakura clutched his bruised ears. "Eh...oh. Mou. Erm... back to your story?"  
  
Yami didn't seem like he really wanted to continue, but did anyway. "Neither of them have dated anyone since then. I know Seto still loves Ryou... I imagine it'd be hard to get over it once you've fallen for him... but Ryou doesn't seem to have feelings for anyone anymore. I don't know if he's even capable of them... he's very fragile, you know."  
  
"That's why he'd be the ideal cute uke!" Bakura said happily, hugging the air (which was apparently a representation of Ryou).  
  
"Riiight. Well, I'll leave it to you to find that out. I'm quite happy with Yuugi. Now, if you'll excuse me, me and these pretzels have a date with the living room."  
  
"Err... all right. Goodbye, Mister Shiny Pants," Bakura called after Yami. Yami choked on the pretzel he was eating. Standing in the doorway to the living room, Malik and Ryou ran to investigate.  
  
"YAMI, YAMI! ARE YOU O.K.?!"  
  
"Do you remember the ABC's of First Aid?" Ryou asked frantically.  
  
"Erm... let me think... no."  
  
"DON'T DIE, YAMI!"  
  
Mariku finally had to use the Heimlich Maneuver on Yami (seeming to enjoy it quite a bit), since everyone else was either incapacitated or having a breakdown.  
  
"I'm never eating pretzels again..."  
  
AN: Will Bakura be able to melt Ryou's icy heart? Will Mariku ever stop being a C.S.F. (Chronic Sex Fiend)? Will anyone even CARE?! Erm...mou. 


	11. Chapter 11

Room for Rent  
  
Chapter Eleven  
  
"I'm bored," Bakura whined.  
  
"Go scrub a toilet, then," Ryou said, not in any semblance of good humor. After all, it was six-thirty A.M. on a Sunday and he hadn't even finished his first cup of coffee.  
  
"I'll never be THAT bored, Ryou. I know!" Bakura said, as if he hadn't rehearsed this all before. "We can go to the movies!"  
  
"Define we."  
  
"That would be... me, and you, and that tribe of purple monkeys living in your head."  
  
"No, I think it's just you and the monkeys going to the movies."  
  
"Haha. You're so funny, Ryou-itooshi," Bakura said, beeping Ryou's nose.  
  
"Eek!" Ryou gasped, throwing his hands upward to cover his nose.  
  
"I see you're finally awake," Bakura said, giving Ryou the 'bedroom eyes'.  
  
Ryou rolled his eyes, sipping on a cup of coffee.  
  
*~*  
  
"So, what movie should we see?" Bakura asked cheerfully, as he hopped out of Ryou's car.  
  
"Something morbid, where the annoying whore-boy dies tragically and the peasants rejoice."  
  
"That's so mean, Ryou," Bakura said, looking hurt. "You don't really want Malik to die, do you?"  
  
"Eurgh... I suppose he fits that description as well, doesn't he?"  
  
"I know! We'll see a chick flick just for you, Ryou!"  
  
"But I don't like chick flicks..."  
  
*~*  
  
"See, Ryou? Aren't you glad you came with me?" Bakura asked, seated beside Ryou in the theater, bag of popcorn sitting on his lap. "And see, I even got two straws for our Coke, so we can share!"  
  
"HAVE YOU BEEN TAKING happy MEDICATION OR SOMETHING?!"  
  
"Gasp! That sounds like my dear Ryou!"  
  
"Oh, Kami-sama," Ryou said pleadingly, slipping further down in his seat as Malik approached him.  
  
"This seat taken?" Malik asked, and not waiting for an answer, plopped down in the seat next to Ryou. "Oh, I love this movie; I've seen it five times already!"  
  
Bakura turned angrily to the blonde. "What are YOU doing here, Malik?"  
  
"You're so rude, Bakura. Now pass me some popcorn and try to act like my immaculate beauty doesn't make you insecure. You've got nothing to worry about; I'm not trying to steal your teddy-bear-love-bunch, Ryou! Wouldn't dream of it!"  
  
"Ahem," Ryou said, trying his best to ignore the two. Of course, it was a little bit harder than expected when in the middle of the movie, Malik broke into song...  
  
"I like to eat, eat, eat apples and bananas! I like to eat, eat, eat apples and bananas! A lake ta ate, ate ate, aples and bananaes!"  
  
"Make it stop, make it stop..." Ryou moaned, sliding to the floor in his attempts to disappear.  
  
"Is Bakura teasing you, Ryou?" Malik asked. "Shame on him, that's so evil. You should do what I do whenever Mariku-seme isn't feeling all that... generous. You see, you—"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"  
  
"Keep it down, Ryou!" Malik whispered in quite a loud way. "You and Bakura's foreplay is bothering the other patrons!"  
  
With a final "Aaaaaaaagh!", Ryou stomped off to the bathroom and barricaded himself there.  
  
"Good, that way everyone will be satisfied!" Malik said happily. He reached for the popcorn, but didn't find any. He looked to where it was supposed to be, only to see a PO'd Bakura holding a meat cleaver.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" came Malik's girly scream.  
  
*~*  
  
Bakura pushed through the long line of fat men in front of the bathroom door. Bakura pounded on the bathroom door, yelling. "RYOU, UNLOCK THAT DOOR NOW!"  
  
A man behind him muttered, "He must really have to pee." Bakura quickly silenced him with his Icy, Evil Glare™. Bakura, deciding that yelling at Ryou wasn't having much of an effect, tried a different tactic.  
  
"Ryou, I'm sorry about Malik... he was just being his usual hentai self. He doesn't know any better," Bakura said through the bathroom door. "And I attacked him with a meat cleaver..."  
  
Ryou sniffed. "But Malik was saying naughty things... about you and me..."  
  
"THERE'S A GIRL IN THE BATHROOM! YEE-HAW!"  
  
"Ryou, these men are calling you a girl. Are you going to take that?"  
  
"WHAT!?" The door banged open, and out tromped Ryou, armed with toilet paper and antibacterial soap. "Bwahahahahahahahahahahah!" He laughed as he chased down the men who dared mistake him for a female.  
  
Bakura sweat-dropped. "Ryou," he said, placing a hand on Ryou's shoulder, "I think we've had enough of the movies for a while. Let's go home."  
  
"Awww..." Ryou said, dropping his aforementioned weapons. "Why? I was just starting to have fun."  
  
"Too much fun is bad for you, Ryou-chan."  
  
So the two got in Ryou's car and put on their seat belts (safety first, kids!). Ryou put the key and the ignition, and... nothing.  
  
"Bakura! The car's not doing anything!"  
  
"Pfft. You feminine types... let a REAL man do it."  
  
"I'll remember that the next time you want some," Ryou said, but scooted over so Bakura could try the ignition.  
  
"You see, it takes great skill to start a car engine...you do it like this!" Nothing. "Like THIS!" Ditto. "LIKE THIS, YOU RA-FORSAKEN AUTOMOBILE!" Bakura slumped in defeat.  
  
"The engine must be dead... I bet you left the lights on."  
  
"Well, if you hadn't dragged me out here in the first place, this never would have happened!" Ryou yelled angrily. "Let's call a mechanic."  
  
"Well, gee, all we really need is some jumper cables and somebody with a car that RUNS."  
  
And that was when Anzu pulled into the theater...  
  
"No, Ryou. I am NOT getting help from the Anzu."  
  
"But I know for a fact she always keeps jumper cables in her trunk!"  
  
"SHE'S THE ANZUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"  
  
"Whatever, moron."  
  
Ryou got out of the car and strolled over to Anzu with his I'm-a-poor- pitiful-boy-named-Ryou look. "Anzu... erm... I'm afraid my car is broken down. I'm pretty sure it's the battery, and I know you always keep cables in your car, so..."  
  
"Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Ryou! I took those out just the other day so I could put my makeup in the trunk."  
  
Ryou growled dangerously, stomping back over to his car. "I give up!" he shrieked, slumping in the driver's seat and giving the key another half- hearted turn. Ryou burst into tears, banging his face on the steering wheel.  
  
"Err... I think I'll call a mechanic now..."  
  
*~*  
  
The mechanic finally came, but decided he'd have to keep the car overnight, since he technically wasn't even supposed to work on Sundays. Which, of course, forced Ryou and Bakura to join the carpool population.  
  
Bakura drove them to Tokyo University, banging his head to Linkin Park and somehow managing to avoid a wreck.  
  
"Turn the music down!" Ryou yelled over the blaring of the speakers, covering his ears.  
"I can't hear you!" Bakura yelled back.  
  
Ryou growled, resolving to cover his ears now and clobber Bakura later. The day only got worse from there, as he had a pop quiz over some heinously difficult sight reading (he had a minor in music) in the morning, a run-in with a strange Home Ec student carrying a pizza (that somehow ended up falling in Ryou's hair) at lunch, and a strange encounter of the third kind with the one and only... well, I'll just let you see for yourselves.  
  
"Ryou!" the familiar voice called from behind Ryou. Ryou spun around, not at all happy.  
  
"Se-Seto?" He asked, to only to see the brunette right in front of him. "Ah... what do you want?"  
  
"Having a bad day?"  
  
"As a matter of fact, yes. And having to be alone in a hall with you doesn't exactly help."  
  
"Well, I'd appreciate it if you'd... well, if you'd meet me at the entrance of the school after classes are over..." Seto's blue eyes were clouded in thought.  
  
"I'll consider it," Ryou said coldly. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go to class now."  
  
*~*  
  
Ryou begrudgingly waited at the entrance to the school. He would wait for five minutes, and no longer. One, two, and three slipped away like grains of sand. Only a minute was left when Seto finally arrived.  
  
"Pfft. I was beginning to think you'd ditched me. Again."  
  
Seto winced. The remark stung—of course, it was meant to. Seto stared at his shoes as he spoke.  
  
"Listen, Ryou. I'm sorry about...you know. I know it hurt you... Kami- sama, it hurts me, too. I've been thinking it over more and more, and that's why I realized... I love you, Ryou. I never stopped loving you. Breaking up with you was a mistake on my part—I've been completely miserable since. I... I know it's a lot to ask, but could you..."  
  
"You want me to give you another chance?" Ryou asked, tilting his head so that his bangs covered his eyes, effectively hiding his expression.  
  
"Yes," Seto nodded. Ryou looked up at him. The CEO's breath hitched as Ryou opened his mouth to answer...  
  
AN: Hahahaha! I is sooooo evil!... but at least y'all won't have to wait for me to get any ideas for the next chapter! And this one is earlier than normal... ah, but enough. Please review... I really love reviews.  
  
Mou! 


	12. Chapter 12

Room for Rent  
  
Chapter Twelve  
  
Ryou looked up at him. The CEO's breath hitched as Ryou opened his mouth to answer... Did Ryou really need that much air for a simple, one- word answer?  
  
"No. How... how dare you, Seto Kaiba? I... I HATE YOU! WHY DON'T YOU JUST GET OUT OF MY LIFE?!"  
  
"Nani?" Seto asked, but Ryou had already pushed past him. Ryou ran, tears streaming down his face. Seto stared helplessly at his feet, cursing violently.  
  
"Hey," a voice said.  
  
"What do you want?" Seto asked angrily.  
  
"I was just going to say... for being a genius, you certainly are stupid." Seto watched as the blonde walked down the hall and away.  
  
"Stupid puppy!" he called, but his heart wasn't in it; he sank to his knees and his shoulders shook, but he wouldn't cry.  
  
*~*  
  
Bakura leaned against his car, glaring angrily at his watch. Where was Ryou? Ryou was never late, and it was completely out of character for him to be so. "Gah," he said, plopping down on the car hood.  
  
He stared lazily into the distance, not really focused on anything. Before he knew it, Ryou was standing in front of him. He was huffing, apparently from having sprinted the whole way here. Bangs covered the boy's face and his voice shook as he spoke.  
  
"Sorry I'm late. Let's go home now, O.K." Ryou immediately climbed in the car, face turned to the window.  
  
Bakura took the wheel, wondering at Ryou's strange behavior. Then, he had a brilliant idea (dun dun dun!). He flicked the play button on his CD player; Don't Stay by Linkin Park exploded to life. About halfway through the song, Ryou hadn't said anything about his loud music, although he was making some strange noises.  
  
Angrily, Bakura turned the music off. There really didn't seem to be any point in listening to it if Ryou didn't complain about it. Ryou's strange noises sounded clearer after that; it was like he was sobbing.  
  
"Ryou? Daijoubo ka?"  
  
"I'm fine," he replied through his tears.  
  
Bakura pulled over to the side of the road and put the car in park. "Ryou, I know that something's not right... look, you can talk to me anytime... you know that, ne?" Bakura gave Ryou the best uncertain smile he could muster.  
  
"Just drive," Ryou muttered angrily, covering his eyes with his hands.  
  
"Fine, have it your way," Bakura sniffed, in bad humor. They rode back to Ryou's house in silence. Upon arrival, Ryou hopped out of the car and ran to his room before Bakura was even parked properly. Baku-chan sighed heavily. All this emotional crap was really cramping his style. Oh, well. If it was for Ryou, it had to be worth it, right?  
  
"Pfft. I think I'll order some take-out," Bakura muttered, pressing three on the speed dial. The delivery man was soon at the front door, boxes of takeout in his arms.  
  
He passed the boxes to Bakura. "Where's my money?"  
  
"Take the money and begone, fiend!" Bakura yelled, giving the delivery boy the evil eye.  
  
"Whatever, fruitcake," the boy said, trotting away from the door.  
  
Bakura shoveled some of the noodles and veggies onto the fine china (AKA double-thickness paper plates) and trudged upstairs to Ryou's room. He knocked on the door.  
  
"Go away," came the soft reply.  
  
Bakura tried the door; it was locked, of course, but that wouldn't stop him. "I shall prevail," he whispered to himself, sitting the plate on the floor and tugging a hairpin from his pocket. About ten seconds later, the door had slid open with a 'click' and Bakura was stepping over the threshold of Ryou's room.  
  
Bakura seated himself beside Ryou, placing the Chinese on Ryou's bedside table. "Hey," he said softly, poking Ryou's back. "I got you some vegetable lo mein. You know, for if you get hungry."  
  
Ryou rolled over to face Bakura. "You're being so nice, Baku-chan," he uttered quietly, rubbing his red-rimmed eyes. "I-I'm sorry if I'm being mean... I've had a really bad day... really bad..." Ryou suddenly burst into tears, instinctively burying his face in Bakura's shirt.  
  
"It'll be all right, Ryou-chan," Bakura said gently, wrapping his arms around the younger boy.  
  
"But... but Seto said... he said he loved me..."  
  
Bakura's breath hitched as he asked, "Do you love him?"  
  
Ryou shook his head. "No... not after what he did... he dumped me on our anniversary..."  
  
Bakura let out the breath he'd been holding. "Then what's wrong? It seems that's the end of the issue..."  
  
"But Seto doesn't have anyone... I feel sorry for him... it makes me feel guilty to know that he loves me and I don't love him..."  
  
Bakura sighed. "You don't have an obligation to him, chibi tenshi."  
  
"Then who do I have an obligation to?"  
  
"Me, of course! You have to stay with me forever... because if you don't, I'll surely die of the tuberculosis!"  
  
Ryou smiled up at him. "Thanks, Baku-chan... I really appreciate it."  
  
"Anytime, Ryou-chan."  
  
Silence stretched across them for a few moments. "You planning on letting go anytime soon?" Ryou asked.  
  
"No," Bakura said, pulling Ryou into his lap in response.  
  
"Eep!" Ryou squeaked. " 'Kura...?"  
  
"What is it, Ryou-chan?" Bakura asked, grinning.  
  
"What are you doing?" he asked, voice even higher than normal.  
  
"Holding you. Is it a crime?" Bakura asked.  
  
"I don't suppose so..."  
  
"...I'll stop if it makes you uncomfortable..."  
  
"No, it's not that," Ryou said softly. "It's just that I'm not used to being held..."  
  
"Awww..."  
  
"But now I'm a fermata!"  
  
"Err...right. Here, have a baby carrot!"  
  
"Dun wike baby cawwots," Ryou said through a mouthful of food that had suddenly appeared in his mouth. He swallowed. "Here, have some noodles!" Ryou picked up the entire plate and dumped it on Bakura's head.  
  
"Oh no. You've done it this time, Ryou-chan. Now you must be punished! ...if only I had brought the chocolate sauce up here..."  
  
"What are you thinking about?"  
  
"I'm just kidding," Bakura said, pulling a mass of noodles out of his hair. "I think I'll go take a shower now."  
  
Ryou giggled. "Baku-chan?"  
  
"Eh?"  
  
"...Dai-daisuki yo!"  
  
"I know, Ryou-chan. And I'll even come back up here when I'm done."  
  
Ryou gasped.  
  
"Of course I can read your mind, silly. We're soul mates. You have me to look forward to when you get old."  
  
"Oh, joy."  
  
*~*  
  
Seto, meanwhile, was wallowing in his gigantic puddle of self- loathing and angsty-ness... as usual.  
  
"Get over it, moneybags."  
  
He chose to ignore that remark, and continued with his pity party.  
  
"It's your own fault, you know. No point in feeling sorry for yourself; you obviously wanted it to turn out this way."  
  
"NO I DIDN'T! I love Ryou and I've regretted every day that I let him go!"  
  
At this, Jounouchi laughed. "You didn't let him go; you kicked him out of your life. And now you want him back, but he's gone. Hahaha... it's good to see you're finally getting your just desserts, moneybags..."  
  
"One more word—," Seto murmured dangerously, hands going for the blonde's neck.  
  
"Hahaha. You can't hurt a fly and you certainly can't hurt me. Loser."  
  
Seto, realizing that maybe three-twentieths of Jou's words made logical sense, let him go. "Baka inu," Seto growled.  
  
Jounouchi sniggered. "Look who's the dog now..."  
  
AN: A fermata is used in music. It looks like a bird's eye and is used to hold notes longer than their value... they're usually used at the end of the song, or a phrase, or something like that... mou. That and my chorus teacher is a crazy man...  
  
And I hope you're all glad that Seto isn't getting Ryou-chan! Of course, you didn't really affect the plot too much, but you can still feel happy about it. Jeez.  
  
Chibi tenshi- tiny angel  
  
Daijoubo ka?- are you O.K.? (I think... pfft.)  
  
Baka inu- stupid dog  
  
Mou! 


	13. Chapter Thirteen Lucky 13!

Room for Rent  
  
Chapter Thirteen  
  
AN: Thanks to all those who reviewed! Also, this is the last chappy! I may do an epilogue, but don't hold your breath...  
  
Futomi-chan, err... Baku was just saying those things. And... yessh. Yay! Amano- sempai didn't cut the pretty hair!... my bishies cut their hair, though. Bloody baseball.  
  
manga-nut: how dare you insinuate that Honda and Otogi are a bad couple? *looks affronted* Hee hee, just kidding. I'm sorry that I'm too insane for you.  
  
Err... yeah. Mou. I suppose I should go on to the chapter now, eh?  
  
"Erm... uhh..." Ryou blushed and looked away.  
  
"Now, now, Ryou-chan," Bakura said, putting an arm around his itooshi, "Didn't you have something to tell little Seto-chan?"  
  
"Err...yeah. I'm sorry for yelling at you before... I wasn't having the best day. Of course, my answer is still no..."  
  
"And why is your answer still no, Ryou-chan?" Bakura asked, a grin stretching across his face.  
  
"Because... BECAUSE I'M DATING BAKURA!"  
  
"YES! YESSSSSH!" Bakura yelled, dancing around as if he'd won the lottery jackpot.  
  
Seto sweat-dropped. "That's quite all right, Ryou. It was wrong of me to assume that you hadn't moved on just because I hadn't. I hope we can still be friends, though..."  
  
"Tee-hee! Of course, tomodachi-san!" Ryou said cutely.  
  
"Aww, isn't he the sweetest thing?" Bakura crooned, throwing his arms about Ryou.  
  
"Hai," Seto agreed, making Ryou blush more than was humanly possible. "But I digress. I need to be getting back to work on a new prototype anyway."  
  
"Hey, Seto... how 'bout you join the gang at the arcade tomorrow night at seven?"  
  
"I... I'll think about it..." And without another word, the CEO was swept into the darkness, trenchcoat swishing in the night...  
  
(Sounds like Rabid Toenail-sama is trying to pretend she's intelligent...)  
  
(Shut up, Baku-chan.)  
  
*~*  
  
"Hey, Ryou?" Bakura called up the stairs.  
  
"Nani?"  
  
"Shouldn't we be going to the arcade now? It's six-thirty, and traffic is always heavy on weekends."  
  
"We're not going, silly," Ryou said.  
  
"Then why'd you tell Kaiba we were?" Bakura asked.  
  
"Because Jou's going to be there..."  
  
"Eh? Ryou... are you trying to fix those two up?"  
  
"Hai!"  
  
"But... but why?"  
  
"They make such a cute couple! And besides, I'm sure Jounouchi has a crush on Seto-kun. He always stares at him when he thinks no one's looking."  
  
"He also insults him every time he sees him," Bakura pointed out.  
  
"Oh, quit arguing with me!" Ryou said, coming down the stairs. Bakura's mouth fell open when he saw what Ryou was wearing.  
  
"W-what do you plan on doing wearing that?"  
  
"We're going out tonight!" Ryou said brightly, grinning innocently at the stunned Bakura.  
  
"Are we going to a strip club, then?" Bakura found Ryou's decision to wear leather pants very odd in a yummy sort of way.  
  
Ryou blushed. "Get your mind out of the gutter, baka! We're just going to a nice little coffee shop in town... and then maybe we can spy on Seto and Jounouchi!"  
  
Bakura seemed to finally recover from his shock. "Oh... all right. Ahem." The albino coughed nervously. "So, when are we leaving?"  
  
"I suppose whenever you're ready, itooshi."  
  
"Ryou-chan sure is acting strange... he must be having moon fits!" Bakura grinned. "But nice ones..."  
  
*~*  
  
"One day I chance to wear upon the trolley—my high silk hat, my high silk hat! I put it over on the seat beside me—my high silk hat, my high silk hat!" Someone threw a big block of cheese at him. "Oww... hey, thanks!"  
  
Jounouchi munched on his cheese, wondering where everyone else was. It was five past seven already, and none of his friends were at the arcade yet. It just wasn't like them to be late—well, unless you counted Honda and Otogi, but their reasons for being late were always quite obvious...  
  
"Bad thoughts, bad thoughts!"  
  
It was pretty much inevitable. Jounouchi's friends were mostly gay or bisexual, so it was bound to happen eventually... but he was resisting, denying, and refuting his mind's suggestions for as long as he could...  
  
And who steps through the arcade door but Seto Kaiba! Jounouchi sank further down in his seat, trying to hide. Peeping over the table, he saw Seto standing right in front of him, wearing a funny expression.  
  
"Ah!" Jounouchi practically squeaked, falling backward in his chair, hitting the floor.  
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Seto burst out laughing. Jounouchi glared from his position on the floor.  
  
"Baka inu," Seto said, laughing and pointing at the blonde. Jou angrily jerked on the CEO's pointy TRENCHCOAT (I know what you hentai readers were thinking...), which caused Seto to overbalance and fall to the ground next to him.  
  
"Hi," Seto said, swirlies in his eyes.  
  
"What are you doing here, moneybags?" Jou asked.  
  
"Ryou invited me to hang out with you bakas..."  
  
"So, where is everyone?"  
  
"Err..." Seto put his thinking cap on, but it didn't help too much. "Maybe they got stuck in traffic...?"  
  
"I think they did this on purpose!"  
  
"Pfft. Stupid puppy, why would they do that? But so long as I'm here, I might as well beat you in a duel, eh?"  
  
Jounouchi smirked. "You're not winning this time, Kaiba!"  
  
And so the two marched over to the dueling arena.  
  
*~*  
  
"See, isn't this a nice place?" Ryou asked as he and Bakura sat at their table.  
  
"Sure," Bakura said, paying more attention to Ryou than he was to his surroundings.  
  
"Bakura, quit staring at me like I've got a funny appendage growing out of my ears!" Ryou scolded.  
  
Bakura quickly looked away.  
  
"And what would you gentlemen like?" a waitress asked.  
  
"A chocolate cappuccino!" Ryou said happily. "And an order of cinnamon rolls!"  
  
"And you?" the woman asked after she'd taken Ryou's order down.  
  
"Donuts... jelly donuts. And black coffee."  
  
"Why donuts?" Ryou asked after the woman had left.  
  
"DONUTS MAKE THE WORLD GO 'ROUND!" Bakura yelled, catching the attention of everyone in the shop, including a goth boy listening to emo music through blaring headphones. Bakura glared at the lot of them.  
  
"Bakura, why must you be such a fruitcake?" Ryou asked, sweat- dropping.  
  
"It's because I live with you, Ryou-chan!"  
  
The waitress came back by with their orders. "Cappuccino and cinnamon rolls for the sweetie, and donuts and coffee for big brother! Enjoy your food!"  
  
"Eh?" Ryou asked. "Nii-chan?"  
  
"Freaky lady," Bakura muttered, dunking his donut in the mug. "Hope she didn't want a tip..."  
  
"Don't be so mean, Baku-chan!"  
  
"When are we going to spy on the two lovesick idiots?"  
  
"Soon, Baku-chan. Soon..."  
  
*~*  
  
"I summon Blue Eyes White Dragon in attack mode!" Seto said dramatically. "Blue Eyes, obliterate his Summoned Skull!"  
  
Jounouchi glared at his life points counter, which had just dropped to zero. "I'll beat you some day, Kaiba!"  
  
"Maybe if you gained about... I dunno... a thousand years' more experience..."  
  
Jounouchi turned away, pouting. Why did that jerk always rub his defeats in his face? The boy stared out the window, and caught a glint of silvery-white. His eyes widened. Ryou?  
  
Everything suddenly clicked into place. Jounouchi blushed at the realization. They were trying to set him up with Kaiba!  
  
"Hey, Moneybags...?"  
  
"What is it, stupid puppy?"  
  
"Er..." Jounouchi swallowed nervously.  
  
"If you've got something to say, then say it!"  
  
Jounouchi thought that he was one to talk, seeing as how he kept everything inside, rarely talking to anyone. "I..." He was about to say something that would seal his fate forever, but chickened out at the last moment. "Am I a good stupid puppy?" He could've smacked himself for asking that.  
  
Seto stared at him, puzzled, and then smirked. "Of course you're a good stupid puppy. You're and idiot and you obey orders. Why wouldn't you be?"  
  
Jounouchi aimed a punch at the CEO's stomach, but Seto easily caught his fist. "Feisty... I like that..."  
  
Jou stood there, wondering what in hell Seto had been smoking to make him act this way.  
  
"Ja ne," Seto said, walking out the door and down the street.  
  
Jou was stupefied for a few seconds, before racing out the door yelling, "MATTE, KAIBA! I WANT SOME OF WHAT YOU'VE BEEN SMOKING!"  
  
Ryou and Bakura sweat-dropped, watching the blonde run down the lane. "I suppose it's safe to say that they won't need any more nudging," Ryou said.  
  
"Come on, Ryou. Our work here is done."  
  
Hand in hand, the lovers walked down the street.  
  
"Daisuki yo," Ryou said, standing on tiptoe to give Bakura a kiss on the cheek.  
  
"Dai-daisuki yo mo," Bakura muttered, blushing.  
  
"Heh. Silly Baku-chan," Ryou said softly. "So, how do I look in these leather pants?"  
  
"Good enough to eat..."  
  
"I thought so," Ryou grinned. "Just remember to take a cold shower!"  
  
"I will, but only if it's with you..."  
  
"Calm down, Baku-chan. This is only shounen-ai," Ryou reminded.  
  
"But... but why?" Bakura asked, tears pricking in his eyes.  
  
"The authoress can't write yaoi, that's why."  
  
"THEN I'M GOING TO FIND SOMEONE WHO CAN!" Bakura declared, and marched off-screen.  
  
Ryou sighed in exasperation, but followed his love.  
  
(Where... where'd everybody go?)  
  
(They went to find another room for rent. But don't worry, there are other fish in the sea.)  
  
(Shut it, you.)  
  
AN: Muhahahahah! Yes, 'tis the end. I don't know if I'll be doing a sequel or not. It depends on if I get any ideas. And I'm sorry for the abrupt ending, folks; even I didn't know it was the end until I was halfway through the chapter. Hee-hee. You can see how well I plan.  
  
But I'm proud to introduce my next project: the sequel to Potholes in Tokyo! Of course, I still haven't thought up a good name for it, so any and all suggestions are appreciated.  
  
Thanks to all the reviewers, because without you, I'm nothing! *dramatic sobs*.  
  
(It's not like you won an Oscar or anything...)  
  
Shut up! ...sorry. The voices in my head are feeling a little rambunctious today... hee hee.  
  
Ja ne!  
  
I heart Futomi-chan! *giggles* Anata wo daku! ...yeah. Hope you enjoyed RFR as much as I did...  
  
The Rabid Toenail is signing off. 


End file.
